Selfless
by APearl
Summary: There is a love that is so selfless and pure, it can complete the story of two old lovers. A love that does not come in between destiny, instead it reunites soul mates. But first, lies need to be untold, past wounds need to be re-opened and hearts need to bleed before they go back to where they belong. (Hanna & Caleb)
1. Chapter 1

_**Selfless**_

 _ **Chapter One**_

 **HANNA** Marin sat on the comfortable, leather seat of her husband's company jet, looking out her porthole shaped window. If this trip had been like any other then her muscles would have immediately melted into luxury and she would have been peacefully asleep by now. However it wasn't, so instead Hanna was tense and restless. A loud, sleepy sigh escaped the tiny body next to her and a proud smile immediately made her heart shaped face radiant.

"Is she still asleep?"

Hanna looked over at the handsome man sitting across from her. He was peeking at her through one sleepy, hazel eye as he inquired about their two year old daughter. Hanna loved that he was as in tune with their daughter as she was. He was not the type of father who believed that taking care of a child was only a mother's job. He was nothing like her own father, Tom Marin.

Hanna assumed it was because of everything that she and her husband had been through, which made him so protective of their daughter and herself. Besides the fact that theirs had not been a traditional marriage, Hanna wasn't like regular women. She was one of those unfortunate ladies who had had to endure traumatic hardships and trials that normal women prayed never happened to them on a daily basis.

When Hanna had been sixteen she should have been … _sweet_. Her biggest problem should have been her then boyfriend's virginity pledge. Not for her though. She and a group of her best friends had been stalked by certifiable bitches, going by the initial "A", for years, having their secrets exposed and their lives turned upside down as they tried to maintain some semblance of normal that they had all craved. That had not been the worst of it though. At eighteen the girls had been kidnapped and tortured before the person responsible for their pain had finally been captured.

Afterwards she and her boyfriend at the time had moved to New York. Caleb Rivers had been Hanna's rock; he had been there for her throughout high school, through the darkest of times. Like when she had been falsely accused as an accomplice to a murder (which had been a complete ruse in the first place) and sent to jail.

Hanna sighed, dredging up old memories was not something she did often. Her life had changed drastically from those gruelling years. And while it still hadn't been all rainbows and butterflies after the "A" apocalypse, at least she was dealing with issues without a nut job sending her threatening texts and trying to dismantle the life she had worked so hard to create for herself and her child. And through it all, Hanna was strong. She had conditioned herself long ago. And it seemed that circumstances had only served to bring her husband and her closer, something Hanna could not be more grateful for.

Jordan Hobart stretched lazily as he woke up fully and Hanna smiled appreciatively at her attractive husband. However a small frown creased her creamy skin as she noticed the beginning of dark circles under his hazel eyes. Lately his muscular shoulders seemed to slump more often and the well defined angles of his face looked slightly hollow.

Hanna sighed. "You should get more rest, babe." She said softly.

Hanna had watched Jordan take on bigger projects in the last two years but none had been as strenuous as this. Of course her husband rarely complained about anything in life, but Hanna knew him well now.

"It's just a headache." Jordan had been having those often lately. "We'll land shortly." He rubbed a large palm down his face. "I'll just go freshen up." He stood up and squeezed Hanna's manicured hands before brushing a soft kiss on their daughter's fine blonde head.

Hanna closed her eyes for a moment, her thoughts being redirected from how tired Jordan looked recently. Yes, they would be landing soon. Their destination was not somewhere Hanna wanted to be in willingly, but she had no choice since she was returning to her hometown for one of her best friend's wedding. She had been surprised to find out that Aria Montgomery was choosing to marry in Rosewood. Aria was an artsy, quirky woman. Hanna would have expected her friend to tie the knot in some untraditional way and destination. However, Aria was also very sentimental and romantic so maybe that was the reasoning behind the decision.

Hanna had not been back to Rosewood in five years and while she could deal with a weekend in her hometown for the sake of a best friend, somehow Jordan had convinced her that he had a better idea. They would stay in Rosewood longer while his Investment Banking group opened up a new branch there. It didn't make sense. Hanna had reasoned. Wouldn't it be better to open up a business in Philly, where Rosewood people could still go to but at the same time be in a more commercial town, on a larger scale?

Jordan hadn't seen it that way at all though. He had told Hanna that at least they would have more reason to visit her hometown now and didn't she want Lys to know her roots as well.

To be honest Hanna wouldn't mind her daughter never knowing anything about Rosewood – ever. But after Hanna's own mother, Ashley Marin had rebuilt her life in Rosewood and it seemed like her friends still held the small town close to their hearts for the most part, point in case Aria's wedding venue, Hanna knew that she would always be tied to the town. Weather she liked it or not. So wasn't it time she started making new ties to Rosewood? Ties that weren't attached to pain or regret.

Hanna also knew that Rosewood had changed. It was a town resided by powerhouses now. Senator Veronica Hastings, New York times best selling author Ezra Fitz and even her mother held some grandeur as the manageress of a hotel that had garnered much national publicity for being an old psycho sanatorium.

"Hey," Jordan cajoled when he came back to join Hanna, "it's going to be alright. It has been safe to go back for years now and you're not the same person anymore."

Hanna mustered up a brave smile for her husband's sake. He knew her well enough to know when something was bothering her so there was no point in trying to deny it. Hanna was the only one from her band of friends that had not stepped foot in Rosewood for five long years. She did not want to look at a corner and be reminded about how she had to stuff a dozen of pig faced cupcakes in her mouth while a few jocks sat next to her and oinked in mockery at her. Or the time when she had been run over by her best friend Mona Vanderwaal, who had been one of the "A"s who had made Hanna and her friends' lives a living hell.

But most of all she didn't want to remember the good times she'd had with her first love. The man who had visited her in jail, refusing to give up on her, who had taken a job in New York so he could pay for her dream.

Hanna wasn't disappointed with the way her life had turned out now, she just wasn't sure she wanted to think about how her life _could_ have turned out. Hanna looked at her sleeping daughter, bending down to also give the child a soft kiss on the forehead. Lys looked just like Hanna. Soft blonde curls, big crystal blue eyes when open and a full, pouty red mouth. Hanna would always do what was best for her daughter. Even if it meant she still had to tell a few lies along the way.

 **xxx**

Hanna was excited to be sitting on the same couches at The Brew, a coffee shop that had been a regular jaunt when she had been a teenager. It was all the more special today because she was surrounded by her three best friends once again. They were hugging each other in every other direction and taking a few memorable pictures, content to remain in their bubble of happiness. Hanna had missed this, missed her friends, and was glad there was no lingering tension amongst any of them. The young women slipped back into an easy sync that made Hanna relieved about her return to rosewood.

"So, why Rosewood?" Emily Fields, the caramel coloured, exotic beauty asked Aria and Hanna and Spencer Hastings turned to the petite bride to be.

Aria shrugged delicately and then turned to look at the attractive, dark haired man smiling at someone from behind the cash register at The Brew. "This place has kept Ezra and I connected." Aria smiled at her friends, her dark eyes brimming with happiness.

Hanna knew that Aria too had not had it easy when it had come to love. Aria had fallen head over heels for her English teacher at sixteen, and while a relationship like that was doomed from the start, Aria and Ezra had always managed to find a way back to each other. Even with distance of continents and other people put in between them, they always wound up right back to each other, right back in Rosewood. It was sentimental but it was also true to the couple and Hanna respected them for it.

"We're going to travel for a while after the wedding, then come back here." Aria seemed so content with her decision that Hanna felt all the happier for her friend.

"This is the first time we've all been back here too." Spencer said in her husky voice. "I'm glad it's for such a happy occasion."

The other girls nodded and smiled at each other in agreement before the conversation inevitably turned to their significant others. It was a little awkward when Spencer told Aria and Emily she was dating Caleb for the last six months.

Hanna could tell that Spencer still felt a little uncomfortable with the situation and even though Hanna had assured the brunette not to be, it did make her shift in her seat as well when Aria and Emily turned questioning eyes on her. Hanna was surprised that Spencer was only just now telling the other girls about Caleb. Caleb clearly was still living in the Hastings barn and working for Veronica Hastings so things were obviously serious between the pair.

"I'm married now, remember. And I have a daughter." Hanna answered Emily and Aria's silent looks and flashed her wedding ring as if in proof.

"Yeah, let me see that." Aria grabbed Hanna's hand, always the one willing to defuse a tense situation amongst the four friends. "It looked bigger when you posted it." She teased.

Hanna swatted Aria playfully and then picked up one of the numerous bridal magazines the brunette brought with to The Brew. Hanna looked a little wistfully at it.

Spencer, with a platinum IQ and perceptive as always noticed this. "I honestly thought out of all of us, you would have been the one who made sure she had the entire fairytale wedding, Han'." The brunette said, sipping from her coffee while eyeing Hanna over the top of her cup.

Hanna had never had a traditional wedding with all the trimmings. She had fallen pregnant with Lys and her baby girl had become her entire world. It was like Hanna had aged a few good years during her nine months of pregnancy and suddenly she became less idealistic and more realistic.

She was nineteen years old, single and living alone in a tiny apartment, working for an absolute cow while she tried to graduate college. Yet three months into her pregnancy, when she could no longer lie to herself, all Hanna could think about was how she was going to provide for her daughter and be the best mother she could. Hanna had been fortunate though, her own mother had always been there for her, but Ashley had also made some really questionable decisions that had landed the older woman in even more questionable positions along the way. Hanna did not want history to repeat itself.

She certainly did not want her only child to grow up without a father, or worst, one who was half there or never there. Hanna came quite close to a poster child for daddy issues herself. That was why when Jordan had proposed, offering her stability and support, she had eventually accepted.

Hanna had learned to love her husband, how could she not?! Jordan was attentive and considerate; he loved her unconditionally and was an amazing dad to their daughter. Hanna could definitely forgo a dream wedding for what she had now.

Hanna shrugged. "Having a baby thrown into the mix can do that to a couple." She joked, rerouting the conversation down a different route.

The four women excitedly poured over wedding catalogues and got caught up on Rosewoods finest and not so fine. Ezra joined them towards the latter part as well and Hanna noticed that Aria and Ezra seemed to be more in love for all that they had gone through in the last eight years. She didn't envy them that because she knew just like her, her friend would be happy.

 **xxx**

Hanna stood over Lys' bed, watching her beautiful daughter as the little girl slept peacefully. Hanna always enjoyed being home to tuck her baby girl in. It was a luxury she had been afforded with Jordan's support. After Hanna had dumped her former boss and started working as a receptionist, life had been tough. Hanna had still been in school. She had been pregnant and had only a trickle of experience under her expanding belt.

However she had always been passionate about fashion and not one for quitting, Hanna had persevered. It had been like fate for Hanna when one of her best friend's mother had been renewing her vowels and had been let down by a designer in New York. Of course Hanna would willingly help Ella Montgomery but it had also been the birth of a small, personal business that was now a nation wide, brand label with her husbands support.

Hanna felt a strong hand on her right shoulder and her world felt right again. Smelling the cool aftershave of her husband, Hanna placed her smaller hand on his, resting her head contentedly upon their fingers.

"Let's go into the lounge for a nightcap before bed." Jordan told her and Hanna smiled.

She truly was the luckiest woman alive. Jordan thought of her every need and as far as husbands went, he was quite perfect. Hanna snuggled up next to Jordan on the plush chaise. Her mother had given them a beautiful suite at The Radley and it gave Hanna a sense of detachment from Rosewood. Seeing her friends had eased most of her anxieties but it was only the first night back and she did not want to wake up tomorrow morning to her outdated wallpaper in her old room and feel as if she were stuck in a time that had been less than pleasant for her.

"Thank you." Hanna said slowly.

Jordan gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. "I didn't want you to run forever, Hanna."

Hanna sighed. Jordan was right of course, he always was. The most important thing to Hanna was that she did not keep any secrets from Jordan which could shake the entire foundation of their relationship. She had been completely honest with him, brutally so, right from the get go. Always. And miraculously he had accepted her for who she was and loved her unconditionally. It was one of life's mysteries Hanna was only too happy to never question.

Her marriage with Jordan was simple and there were no bombshells waiting to explode between them. The old Hanna would have considered a relationship like this boring but she had changed, every decision she made now revolved around her daughter.

"How does it feel to be back?" Jordan questioned gently.

"Hmm." Hanna thought about the question for a while. "Surprisingly easy and not as nerve wracking as I thought it would be."

"Even with Spencer dating Caleb?"

"Of course." Although Hanna replied immediately she frowned in thought at the question.

When Spencer had made a surprise visit to New York six months back Hanna had told Jordan exactly why one of her best friends had showed up on their door step seemingly with no hidden agenda. Hanna always tried to be as honest with Jordan as she could be; she had been burned by her lies before. Plus she had been pleasantly surprised to learn that relationships actually worked better with the truth.

" _He must have been some boyfriend if Spencer has to ask for your blessing." Jordan said with interest._

 _Hanna shrugged even though her muscles had tensed. While Jordan always respected her boundaries they were honest and open with each other on everything except one matter. Something that had been a deal breaker for Hanna and Jordan had respected her wishes. He trusted her and loved her enough to know that if she refused to talk about something she had a good reason for it._

" _She didn't come for my blessing." Hanna replied. However, when her husband had raised his eyebrows at her she had rolled her crystal blue eyes at him before explaining how Caleb had come to be an important part of her life._

In the present Hanna turned to her handsome husband, seeing that same searching look on his face that she had seen six months ago, when she had spoken about Caleb to Jordan for the first time. It hadn't been a topic of conversation she had particularly enjoyed but she would never patronize her husband either.

" _Is he – "_

" _No." Hanna had cut Jordan of abruptly. She had known exactly what her husband was going to ask and was in no mood to open that can of worms. She was still mentally scrubbing images of Spencer's long legs wrapped around Caleb's slim waist. When Hanna had stared back at Jordan with a stubborn expression that could make CIA agents quake, Jordan had relented._

Hanna employed the same tactic now and was relieved when Jordan smoothly changed the subject. "Well, at least Charlotte Dilaurentis is no longer a threat." Jordan pointed out.

Hanna nodded enthusiastically. Two years ago Hanna and her friends' tormentor "A" had been found dead after years of being convicted to a mental institute. It was also the reason their other best friend and younger sister to Charlotte, Alison Dilaurentis had moved away from Rosewood. Alison had tried her best to help Charlotte "rehabilitate" but the fruit cake had ended up with a few two many nuts to be truly helped and had wound up killing herself.

While Hanna had expressed her condolences to Alison for friendships sake, how Hanna truly felt on the matter was good riddance to bad rubbish. Hanna, Spencer, Aria and Emily could not feel any remorse for a psycho bitch that had kidnapped them, placed them on lockdown in a dollhouse, implanted them with tracking devices and posted ghastly pictures of them with no make up on in an art gallery. Not to mention that those heinous crimes was only the tip of the iceberg.

"Yeah." Hanna agreed. "That definitely makes it easier to be back and sleep at night."

"I'm glad." Jordan said quietly. "We're going to be here for a while yet."

Hanna didn't feel too adverse to the idea anymore, now that she was back in Rosewood. She smiled. She was certain that this could be a good thing for her. She would catch up with her old friends, Lys could spend more time with a doting grandmother and maybe Hanna could start a new collection for this fall. Probably even have a showing here in Rosewood and possibly even merchandise her designs to some of the Rosewood boutiques now that Jordan would obviously be returning here more often in the future.

"Ah, I can here the wheels turning." Jordan teased lightly and Hanna smiled up at him.

"You know me too well, babe." She smiled and lifted her head to kiss him lovingly.

 **xxx**

"She's doing well you know." Spencer said tentatively that night as her brunette head rested on Caleb's bare chest.

Caleb's hand momentarily stilled in her long hair before he kept stroking her wavy tresses. "I'm glad. You did say the girls were doing really well."

He wondered why Spencer was brining up Hanna singularly after they had just had sex. Whenever they talked about their friends they talked about the girls as a whole, because as much as Caleb also loved Aria, Emily and Hanna, he had loved the third in a very different way. A way that he had thought would have lasted for ever. But that was probably because Hanna had been his first real love.

Spencer lifted her oval shaped face, placing her chin on his chest now. Caleb eyed her tiredly. Did he really want to be having this conversation about his ex girlfriend while naked with his current girlfriend? He knew that Spencer had spoken to Hanna before she had admitted her feelings for him. The same way he had made sure that Toby had been okay with it, even though Toby was engaged to another woman now. There were rules when it came to friends like them. Friends who were closer than family and had gone through the worse together.

He had not seen Hanna in almost five years. In which time she had gotten married and had a baby. This had happened only a year after they had split up. But their relationship had been on the rocks for a while before then. It had hurt, it had killed a little piece of him but Caleb had also been able to deal with loss from a younger age and he had been taught how to detach from someone more easily that a well adjusted child could.

"Will it be awkward for you at Aria and Ezra's wedding?" Spencer asked in her husky, intelligent voice.

"Spence, they're my friends just as much as they're Hanna's and she knows I'll be there too. There shouldn't be a problem."

"I know." Spencer agreed. Caleb sensed a _but_ not too far away though. "But you haven't seen her in five years. You haven't even spoken to her and I just don't want the two of you to be placed in an impossible situation."

Caleb raised his dark eyebrows at this. "How impossible can it be to greet Hanna and her husband?!" The words still felt raw for Caleb to say but he told himself that that was to be expected. He and Hanna had a lot of history. However they were adults now, they had both moved on and Hanna had given Spencer and Caleb her blessings.

"Listen, Caleb, I still don't know exactly why you and Hanna split up. But as much as you both say it was amicable, I just hope you two can still be friends.

Caleb sighed. "Spence, Hanna and I will probably be like Toby and you." This time he felt Spencer tense for a moment before she shrugged against him and left his chest to lie flat on her back.

It was hard when you loved someone with all you had for a long time. That emotion became an integral part of you. You couldn't automatically turn off your feelings, even when you moved on. A part of Spencer would always love Toby, as he would Hanna, but they were not the same people anymore. They had grown up, grown apart and moved on. Look at Hanna, today she was married with a kid. How could Caleb hold on to what they had shared?

"You better than anyone knew how hard it was for me when Toby and Yvonne got engaged." Spencer's voice was small. "But Toby and I at least broke the ice. I went over to see him the day I got back to Rosewood and I spoke to Yvonne as well. So when he proposed to her, some part of me was prepared."

Caleb turned to look at Spencer. "Are you saying I won't be prepared? It's not like I don't know that they're married, Spencer."

Spencer looked at him before she sat up in bed, pulling a sheet to cover her nakedness. Caleb knew that look in her coffee brown eyes. They always got brighter when a light bulb went off in her busy brain.

"Yes, but hearing something and seeing it with your own two eyes is not the same thing." Spencer reasoned. "She's changed, Caleb, a lot. She's still the same Hanna we know and love, but there's something different behind her eyes now. We've all had that determined look after A, but this is more." Caleb watched as Spencer frowned in thought, knowing his girlfriend hated puzzles she couldn't solve.

"Spence, Hanna has probably grown the most from all of us. She was always so focused on her career but we know that she's juggled a marriage and baby as well." Caleb could not hide the note of admiration and tinge of bitterness in his voice. Hanna had always been strong but she had come a long way from her Rosewood days.

The truth was they had broken up because Hanna and he had had issues connecting with each other even though their apartment had been the size of a shoe box. Caleb had hardly seen Hanna, they had drifted apart. It was real life issues. Hanna had focused so much on her career that Caleb had begun to feel like a hindrance. There had been no balance in their relationship and he had hated it.

" _If I don't go, I'll lose my job." Hanna had said desperately._

" _You said that on my birthday. Your birthday. New Year's Eve." Caleb argued. "Your life is on a loop. I'm barely a part of it."_

The words they'd exchanged all those years ago still haunted Caleb till this day. Hanna had become single minded in pursuing her career and he had hated that she had started to make him dislike her for putting him last. The truth was Caleb was also irked. How was it that not long after they had broken up, she had managed her career and a family? Hanna was married for three years now and had given birth to a baby girl not long afterwards, but clearly her husband and she made it work.

Caleb had seen pictures of her and her husband on Spencer's laptop a while back. He hadn't been searching for it; Spencer had been looking at one from an email Hanna had sent her when his girlfriend had been interrupted by a work phone call and left the barn to answer it. Caleb had looked up and immediately felt his throat constrict. He was in no doubt that Hanna's husband loved her because Caleb knew that expression the other man wore when looking at Hanna. Caleb had worn that exact same expression for years.

"I know, but all I'm saying is that you haven't seen her yet." Spencer broke through his thoughts.

"What are you trying to say, Spencer?" Caleb was finding it hard to hold back on his irritation now. He didn't much like it when Spencer tried to get him to come to a conclusion she wanted him to, instead of just outright telling him. Did she feel that if he arrived there on his own he would believe that it was not her idea but his instead, making him more receptacle to the suggestion?

"All I'm saying is that I think you should visit Hanna and Jordan." When Caleb knitted his eyebrows together in clear surprise Spencer hastily added. "You know, as an ice breaker before abruptly coming face to face with them at Aria and Ezra's wedding. That way there won't be any pressure when you're forced to come together under the scrutiny of two hundred guests and our old friends.

Caleb sighed and ran his fingers through his long, black hair. He had been meaning to cut it for a while now but after Veronica Hastings had won the election for state senator he had simply left it alone. Caleb was glad his new girlfriend didn't have an opinion on his hair because she was like a dog with a bone when she had an idea. Like now. But maybe she was right.

Caleb would be lying if he said there was no curiosity as to what Hanna was like as a mother and a wife and how she was doing now. After they had broken up he had left without his phone. He had backpacked through Europe, leaving Hanna behind as well.

Of course he knew her number by heart, but he could never bring himself to call her. Spencer had been the only person from Rosewood he had managed to keep in contact with for a long time, because he had met her in Madrid during his backpacking days. They had connected there and he was glad that she had been the one to tell him about Hanna's marriage and kid. He wasn't quite sure how he would have handled the news otherwise.

"Fine." Caleb saw the surprise in Spencer's eyes. Clearly she had been expecting a fight. Caleb enjoyed surprising his girlfriend. It kept her on her toes. Which was not an easy feat for just any man, but Caleb and Spencer were a lot alike.

"Thank you." She said quickly, kissing him even faster, as if afraid he might change his mind if she said anything else.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Selfless**_

 _ **Chapter Two**_

 **CALEB** had meant every single word he had said to Hanna that morning. It really had been good to see her again. He had forgotten how her enchanting blue eyes looked when they sparkled. Her blonde hair could fool anyone into believing it was a halo when the sunlight touched her head and the memories he had of her in his head did not do her any justice in the flesh.

However, Caleb would be lying to himself if he said he was not happy that their encounter was now over. He leaned back against his car seat, running his hand through his dark hair and closing his eyes.

That had been … _exhausting_.

For the first time since he could remember, Caleb had had to choose every word with extra careful care. He felt like he had been walking on egg shells. It was definitely new territory when it came to him and Hanna and it certainly wasn't very pleasant.

There were moments when he felt like Hanna and he had made some progress, but then she got this look in her eyes, the same guarded look her mother could do so well, that made Caleb feel like she was not even in the same room with him anymore.

"Shit." Caleb cursed.

He was still undecided if this had been a good idea or not. On one hand maybe today could have gotten them past the initial shock seeing each other after so long brought on, so they could communicate a lot more easily at Aria and Ezra's wedding. Or, the uneasiness they had so clearly felt in each others company today could carry over into their next meeting.

The truth was Caleb hadn't been sure what he and Hanna were anymore. He had spent most of his time trying not to think about her, but after seeing her today, he knew he was willing to try and be friends with her again. Regardless of the uncomfortable conversation that had taken place afterwards.

Caleb wasn't the type of person who dwelled on the past, but even he knew that Hanna and he had left a lot of things unsaid the night they had broken up. It was only his pride that ensured Caleb had never looked back. So what was the point in doing so now? They were both adults, there was clearly no resentment left behind and Hanna agreed that they would always be friends. He did not see any point in dredging up painful memories. Surely they would eventually be in a better place, right? After all, it wasn't like they were strangers.

Caleb grimaced. No, he and Hanna had been too intimate; he had loved her far too much for them to ever be considered strangers. Not in his opinion anyway. Caleb felt an old twinge in his ribcage, like a broken bone that had never healed properly and still hurt when you put too much of strain on it. How he wished this part of his life was like computer programming. It would be so easy to erase a few memories and delete a couple feelings without corrupting his entire life. Yet even thinking of a completely Hanna-free existence, didn't sit quite well with him.

 **xxx**

 _Earlier that Morning …_

Caleb had been to the Radley so many times before that he barely registered its opulent elegance any longer. However, the light scents the restaurant carried, complimented by the buzz of chatter from guests living in the accompanying hotel and the warm tones of the décor always had a relaxing and comforting effect on Caleb.

While the Radley had come such a long way from what it used to be, that the locals no longer thought of it with disdain, Caleb had always wondered about its appeal to him personally though. Did he feel so welcomed at the Radley because it was a new place to visit in Rosewood, which wasn't complicated with old memories, a place he could escape to?

"Caleb." The dark haired man snapped out of his introspection and turned around at his name being called.

"Mrs Marin." Caleb smiled genuinely.

While Hanna's mother and he had gotten off to a slightly rocky start, all those memorable years ago, Caleb and Ashley had come a long way since the days he'd been hiding out in her basement. He could never repay her kindness for taking him in when he had been short of sleeping on the streets, but they had become family during dark days and stormy nights which erased any debts either person felt they owed the other.

"It's good to see you." She said honestly and while he had not bumped into Ashley as often as people did in a small town, Caleb had always had the suspicious feeling that it was because Ashley did not want to talk to him about Hanna.

On his first visit to the Radley, a few months back, Caleb had asked about Hanna when he had went to see how Ashley was doing. She had clearly been spooked to see him back in town, but had covered her surprise with a smile and had embraced him heartily. Although Caleb had felt her hands shake slightly upon his shoulders. Caleb wondered how much Hanna had confided in Ashley about their break up, considering Hanna was stubborn and hated opening up about things that made her vulnerable. She had always been a Jungle Jane at heart, his Hanna.

However, there was no blame, anger or animosity when Ashley told Caleb it was good seeing him again, so he had put it down to awkwardness instead. In an attempt to show Ashley that there was no reason to be cautious around him, Caleb had asked about Hanna's well being. It seemed like the wrong thing to do though, because Ashley couldn't look Caleb in the eye when she told him Hanna was fine. Then she quickly directed the conversation back on to him. Today however, Ashley looked happier than she did during the few times he had seen her in the last six months and Caleb smiled as well.

"Are you here for breakfast?" She looked at her watch and Caleb knew it was probably only a few minutes after ten. "I can get you seated at the table by the window you like."

Caleb shook his head gently, although he was touched that Ashley had noticed which table he preferred. "Actually, I'm here to see Hanna. Spencer told me she's staying here."

Caleb watched as Ashley frowned slightly before giving him one of her quick smiles, which really was the upward movement of her lips that quickly turned down again, the one that never reached her blue eyes. The red head then schooled her features so Caleb couldn't quite tell what was going through her mind then. He didn't blame her today though. The situation did feel surreal.

How many times, as a teenager, had Caleb said those exact words to Ashley Marin? He had dated her daughter on and off for years and Ashley had never held any of his and Hanna's break ups against him. That was why Caleb couldn't quite place Ashley's reaction to seeing him sometimes. Why was she always so guarded around him now?

"Oh. Well, do you know what room she's in?" When Caleb nodded Ashley moved to the side. "Don't let me keep you then." She said uncertainly and Caleb thanked her and said his goodbyes.

As Caleb walked ahead though, he suddenly felt as if he had missed a step. He rubbed the palms of his hands on his jean cladded thighs and moved some dark strands of hair away from his face. He hadn't worn his hair this long since high school and he suddenly felt self conscious. Rolling his dark eyes at himself for being overly dramatic about the situation, Caleb took in a deep breath and knocked on Hanna's door.

 **xxx**

Hanna smiled as she read the text message from her mother that morning. Oh, there were the normal questions about how she and Jordan had slept, whether they needed anything and then the expected request to have Lys for the day.

Hanna went to check on her sleeping daughter. While it was after nine and Lys would normally have been up long ago, Hanna's daughter had not had a peaceful rest last night. It had been partly because of the long nap Lys had had on the flight and then drive to Rosewood that made her restless, combined with the new and unfamiliar surroundings her daughter had found herself in. So when Lys had woken up in the middle of the night, instead of going back to sleep like she normally did, she had crept into Hanna and Jordan's room with her favourite, pink and purple blanket in tow.

Lys had taken longer than usual to go back to sleep, only tiring after Jordan read her a fairytale, but it wasn't that which worried Hanna so much that morning. Her daughter would adjust given some time, but it was her husband who Hanna was troubled about.

Even before Lys had come into their room, Jordan had been restless too. Although he had done his best not to disturb her, when Hanna had awoken during the middle of the night, she had seen her husband sitting up in bed and rubbing his head. Lys had interrupted Hanna before she could suggest Jordan see a doctor about his frequent headaches. After Lys had fallen asleep, comfortably lodged between them, Hanna had tried to talk to him again when he had shaken his head tiredly at her.

" _Not now, Hanna. Let's just get some rest, yeah?!"_ Jordan had said and because he finally looked like he was about to fall asleep, Hanna had reluctantly let it go.

Jordan had left for Philadelphia early that morning and Hanna wished he hadn't. He was clearly eager to start his new project, and while she knew that the sooner he finished, the sooner they could go home, Hanna wished he had waited until she had awoken instead of leaving her a note. Sometimes Hanna wondered if she and Jordan swept too much under the rug with each other. They both could be very tight lipped about things they did not want to discuss, but it only applied for issues that did not directly affect the well being of their family unit as a whole. Also, their method had worked for them thus far. So maybe Hanna should just allow Jordan to speak about whatever was bothering him, so much so that it was giving him regular headaches, when he was ready to. She knew she should not be pushing him to do so. The only problem with that brilliant solution however, was that patience had never been one of Hanna's strong suits.

When Hanna reached her bedroom she felt her chest constrict as it normally did when Lys did something that was so familiar to her father. Like today, once again Lys had kicked off her special blanket, the one Hanna had made sure to bring from New York because Lys couldn't sleep without it, and was sleeping on her back stretched out on the large bed, both her hands thrown above on either side of her blonde head.

Hanna bent over and neatly covered her sleeping daughter again, enjoying the sound of Lys' slow steady breathing. It always had a calming effect on her. In New York Hanna had a full time nanny; here however Hanna had her mother, who was a doting grandmother and she would get to spend more one on one time with her daughter. Ashley loved Lys so much that she too would lie for her granddaughter's sake.

Hanna shook her blonde head and closed her blue eyes as if to rid herself of those morbid thoughts. Being back in Rosewood seemed to have that negative impact on her. Deciding she would take a quick shower while Lys was still asleep, Hanna took the twin of her fancy baby monitor into the bath with her. The other one was directed right onto Lys's face so Hanna could see when her daughter woke up.

Of course Lys was at the age where as soon as she woke up she ventured in search of Hanna and Jordan but she was still a child and Hanna was always careful with her well being.

Hanna pulled on a pair of designer jeans and a black top that was very flattering to her fuller figure. As a hands-on, working mother she had had to learn how to dress and still look as put together as always in three quarter the time. Her thick blonde hair stayed as short as Aria's now, for different reasons of course, but Hanna also liked the way the bob style framed her heart shaped face and brought out her eyes, making them look bigger and more sparkly.

Hanna smiled at her reflection in the mirror and was about to go check on Lys again when there was a knock at her door. Hanna grinned. It was probably her mother, too impatient to wait for Hanna and Lys to come down from their room.

Hanna opened her door but choked on a startled gasp as her mouth fell into an O.

Outside her room door stood Caleb Rivers. For a moment Hanna felt like a teenager all over again. Her heart sped up as she took in the dark hair that sat on Caleb's broad shoulders and framed his handsome face. But then she noticed that this Caleb was a little taller and slightly more built than she had remembered him to be. The thought immediately sobered Hanna up. She was no longer an adolescent but a grown woman, a married woman, with a child no less.

"Caleb?" She still could not hide the surprise from her tone though, even with the mental scolding she had given herself to get a grip. She felt confused from her body's instant reaction to seeing Caleb again.

"Hey." He said and Hanna felt her chest tighten all over again.

How long had it been since she had heard his voice? Far too long for it to still be having this impact on her. He really was here. Hanna noticed that he also seemed to be slightly uncomfortable with their current situation but she doubted it was because he had just been shaken of balance, as if he had lost his footing and had been transported into another time. A time long, long ago.

"What are you doing here?" Hanna asked bluntly and was glad when her voice sounded steady and not at all shaky. It helped Hanna to focus on exactly where she was and who she was now. Caleb's visit had just taken her by surprise, that was all.

"Spencer told me you were staying here. Can I come in?" Caleb asked.

Hanna hesitated for a split second before she realised that she couldn't really say no, could she? So she steeled herself and opened her door wider, standing sideways, allowing Caleb to enter. While Caleb walked in she frowned at his back. Hanna watched him do a slow turn as he took in his surroundings, as if giving himself some time to compose himself as well, before turning to face her again.

"Mmm, Caleb, not be rude or anything, but _what_ are you doing here?" Hanna asked again.

Hanna watched his dark eyes study her face before he shrugged. Out of all the possible situations Hanna had imagined meeting Caleb again, him standing alone with her in a hotel room, out of the blue, with Lys only a few feet away from them, had definitely not even been conceivable for her.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. Is your husband here?" Hanna watched Caleb turn uncomfortably to look behind him, as if expecting Jordan to walk out from one of the doors that were slightly ajar behind him.

She felt a slight twinge of panic thinking about her daughter sleeping in one of those rooms. She did not want Lys to wake up now. Hanna did not want to have to introduce Lys to Caleb here, in such a personal an intimate setting with just the three of them.

"No, he left for Philly this morning." Hanna rubbed her left palm with her right thumb, a clear nervous gesture.

Caleb nodded. "Congratulations, by the way. On everything." He smiled sincerely up at her and the small cleft in his chin became visible, making Hanna's throat clog with emotion but also her shoulders slump with relief.

This was Caleb. The same Caleb she had shared years of life and love with. A man who had held her while they slept on a blow up mattress after her kidnapping and still loved her even after seeing her in a hideous, orange jumpsuit. He was not some stranger she needed to hide from, to be scared of. No matter what the circumstances.

"Thanks." Hanna said. "Can I get you some coffee?" She gestured with a thumb over her shoulder. "The Radley makes a _crazy_ croissant."

They smiled at each other. "No pun intended?" Caleb questioned.

"Oh, definitely pun intended." Hanna grinned in answer.

"Thanks, but I just wanted to see how you were doing, you know, we'll always be friends." Caleb's voice wasn't full of conviction with that statement. It sounded more like a question to Hanna.

Can we be friends? That's what Hanna heard. There was so much water under the bridge now that Hanna thought carefully before she answered. Caleb had been her friend before he had been her boyfriend and lover. Now that that was in the past, and they both had moved on, could they go back to being friends? If Hanna was honest with herself, the truth was that she didn't know.

After Caleb had walked out on her in New York she had felt betrayed, abandoned, alone. His departure had cut her open and she had never really healed from their break up. Yes, she had moved on, but it wasn't because she had mended, it was because her heart had expanded with the unconditional love first Jordan and then her baby girl had given her. But there would always be a hole were Caleb used to be.

"Always." Hanna gave him one of her best, practiced smile. What was she supposed to say? There was no other answer she could give him without taking the olive branch he was clearly holding out to her and whacking him over the head with it.

Caleb nodded and Hanna knew he felt a sense of relief at her answer from the way his shoulders shifted slightly. Hanna wished she felt the same, she wanted so badly to have seen Caleb today and felt nothing but mild interest over his well being, but she knew that she was holding on to too many things that kept her from letting go of Caleb. Things that she would forever be attached to and therefore had no choice but to deal with it the best way she could, with a small white lie.

"So where is your little one?"

Hanna felt as if she were back in the dollhouse "A" had kept her hostage in all those years ago. The sound of deafening sirens wailed against her ear drums, making her head feel like it would explode. The threatening ultimatums blaring through the speakers made Hanna's body shudder with fear and disgust. Hanna's entire being vibrated, like it always did right before she was going to be physically sick. She felt as if she was about to lose her intestines through her mouth. Could she have ever prepared for this? Was she a fool to think that she could pull this off with Caleb right in front of her? It seemed so much easier when it was just everyone else she was lying to.

"She's asleep." Hanna said and felt her heart speed up when Caleb frowned.

"Do they sleep at all at this age?" Hanna swallowed painfully at the mention of Lys's age.

"She didn't get much sleep last night, you know, new room and all." Hanna waved her hand nonchalantly. "But you'll get to meet her at the wedding." _Or not._ Hanna added silently to herself. "Aria wants her to be the flower girl."

Caleb gave Hanna a small smile, it looked almost sad. "I saw images you emailed Spencer, you have a lovely family."

At her best friend's name, reality immediately stilled all the roaring noises going around in her head. Caleb was with Spencer now and Hanna had a family of her own. There was no reason to feel the way she did. She was just knocked of her equilateral, Hanna reasoned. Or was it equilibrium? Whatever it was, she had definitely not expected Caleb to turn up at her doorstep unannounced. She had only mentally planned and prepared for every question that could come from her run in with Caleb at Aria's wedding.

"Thank you." Hanna said softly. "And I'm happy you have Spencer." Hanna felt ashamed for whispering the last few words, as if she didn't mean them, but damn it, this was hard.

They were two ex lovers, standing alone in a room together, expressing how happy they were that they both had moved on. Normal people didn't have to go through this bullshit. Hanna half expected herself to wake up from a nightmare but didn't think Caleb would understand if she suddenly started pinching herself. It was not at all pleasant, this setting was all wrong. Their friends and partners would have been better buffers than an expensive chaise, no matter how big it was. Why had Caleb thought that this was a better idea than just waiting to see her at Aria and Ezra's wedding?

"Thanks. It really means a lot to Spencer and I." Caleb eyed the door and shifted awkwardly. "I better get going then."

"Yeah, thanks for stopping by." Hanna moved so quickly towards the door she was grateful she had not yet put on her regular choice of heels or she was sure she would have twisted her ankle in her rush to see Caleb out.

At the door Caleb did not immediately walk away as Hanna would have expected him to though. He had seemed in a hurry to leave and Hanna was definitely eager to see him go as well. Caleb however, turned around to look at her searchingly. Hanna felt her pulse quicken.

"It really is good to see you, Hanna." It was the way he said her name, with such familiarity and knowing that it made Hanna want to cry.

There were so many things she wanted to tell Caleb. So much she needed to apologise for. Hanna also wanted to yell at him until her voice grew hoarse and throw that hideous clay pot posing on the coffee table at his handsome head, but he had smiled and walked away before she could muster up the courage to utter a single word. Hanna leaned against her closed door, closing her eyes and taking in deep, ragged breaths. She struggled to deal with her roiling emotions. Anger, regret, guilt, self justification and denial welled up inside of her.

Once again it was too late. She was too late.

Behind her closed lids Hanna could see the apartment she had shared with Caleb in New York. She was standing there again …

… _drenched in rain, cold and miserable after she had ran out of her stationary cab in the middle of the road to rush back to Caleb._

 _But there was only a despairing emptiness to greet her return. Desolation crept up Hanna's skin when she found Caleb had left his phone behind. He had left her behind. The open door to the closet they shared confirmed that Caleb was gone. It was bereft of all his belongings and it felt like a knife to Hanna's heart._

 _Caleb was gone and he was not coming back._

" _If you walk out that door, then I'm not going to be here when you get back." Caleb had threatened angrily._

" _We'll work this out. We always do!" Hanna had assured him valiantly even though her blue eyes swam with unshed tears._

 _However, Caleb had still up and left. He had abandoned her. Did he not have any faith in her, in them? Had he purposely left his phone behind because she had told him she would call him from the cab?_

 _Hanna shivered as her knees dug into the hard floor. She wrapped both arms around her waist, as a different chill seeped right through her bones, her wracking sobs echoing through the apartment, as if reminding her how alone she was. And little did Hanna know that fate would never let her forget that day._

"Wha's wrong, mama?" Hanna's eyes shot open as she was jerked from her past and she immediately straightened to look at her daughter standing before her, one hand rubbing sleep from blue eyes. Hanna used this time to quickly wipe away the wet evidence which proved that something was wrong from her cheeks.

"Nothing, baby." Hanna assured as she bent down to her daughter's level.

When Hanna looked into Lys's trusting eyes she felt like she was looking in a mirror. However, even though that gaze was the exact same colour as hers and at first glance Lys was the spitting image of her mother, if you knew what to look for, you could see her resemblance to her father too. Like the deep set of her blue eyes, her high cheekbones, and when she smiled, Lys didn't have two adorable dimples on her cheeks like Hanna, but one that formed daintily below her chin like Caleb.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Selfless**_

 _ **Chapter Three**_

 _ **July 2013**_

"If I don't go, I'll lose my job." Hanna said desperately. It was a plea for understanding from Caleb.

It wasn't like Hanna was going to all these flashy events solely because of the glitz and glamour they offered. The truth was high fashion was high strung. It was a lot of pressure and her dragon of a boss, Claudia Greco, left Hanna with little time to breathe, let alone have a relationship. However, Hanna knew that this was just a stepping stone to further her career while she completed her education. Then she would become her own boss, work her own hours and live her dream. Right now though, Hanna felt like Caleb was trying to wake her up right before she had reached the crux of her dream. All she needed was just a few more moments. She had worked so hard, come so far, how could she just quit now?

"Do you know how many times I've heard that?" Caleb spat. He was clearly all out of understanding. "You said that on my birthday. Your birthday. New Year's Eve." Caleb argued. "Your life is on a loop. I'm barely a part of it."

"What do you want me to do?" It had been a rhetorical question, like the ones you ask when you know the other person doesn't really have an answer, yet Hanna would have never expected that Caleb would ask her to bail on work. He knew saying no to Claudia was as good as a resignation letter.

"I want you to say no to your boss and come with me to Europe like we planned." He deadpanned, his dark eyes staring stoically at her. It made Hanna swallow nervously.

"You know what that will mean for my career if I do that. You know I can't." Hanna whispered distraughtly.

Caleb was clearly done listening though. "If you walk out that door, then I'm not going to be here when you get back." Caleb had threatened angrily.

Hanna changed tactics. She couldn't bear to think about taking Caleb seriously right now. The notion was so overwhelming she felt like she was struggling to breathe. So she opened their apartment door but turned to face him before she left. "We'll work this out. We always do!" Hanna had assured him valiantly even though her blue eyes swam with unshed tears.

Hanna knew she had been putting work first more often than not lately, but did Caleb honestly believe that she enjoyed wiping her boss's ass instead of being with him? Hadn't he been the one to encourage her when she had bitched about her job during her first week of employment? And in the second week when she had threw a plate in frustration and said she was quitting, wasn't it Caleb who said, _"Look on the bright side, Hanna, anyone who works under Claudia is immediately recognised by the fashion industry. And eventually when you're the designer Katy Perry comes to for a dress; you can send Claudia a selfie."_ It had been Caleb who had wiped away her angry tears and told Hanna she was way too strong for Claudia to break, before kissing her so passionately that she had forgotten her woes and lost her mind to only his touch.

It hadn't been like Hanna hadn't made any effort to improve their struggling relationship either. There were times when Hanna had to feign being ill just so she could come home early to their apartment and surprise Caleb before he arrived. Stark naked.

But this was her career, her life, they had been arguing about. If she couldn't make some sacrifices with her time now, then when would she? Sure she could have skipped her work function and went to Europe with Caleb but thinking about the consequences made the idea seem impulsive and rash. Childish.

What had Caleb expected from her, from them, anyway? When they had moved to New York did he think that they would be touring all around the world, just because his career as a risk analyst had rocketed off to an incredible start, while Hanna put off her responsibilities until later on in life? Like when she was knocked up and he wasn't around any longer so she had to work three different jobs to cover her tuition? When Hanna was being honest with herself, her drive to be successful really came down to her biggest fear, which was putting herself in her mother's situation.

Hanna wanted the security of an education, a career and independence. Her own father had denied her money for education because he had not had any faith in her. Hanna had been through too much in her life to be the type of woman who depended on someone else. Even "A" had taken control of Hanna's life for years and now that she was finally free from those constraints, she just wanted to make her own decisions. How was she supposed to do that with Caleb's ultimatum hanging over her head? His threat to walk out on her didn't make Hanna feel secure especially since there was already one too many times where he had left her behind already.

Hanna's cab stopped in the middle of traffic and suddenly all her whirring thoughts, doubts and fears seized and she started to feel agitated. Caleb had seemed so disillusioned by their move to New York. Hanna had different priorities in life now, she had a huge chip on her shoulder coming to college, when no one thought she would even get in to one, and she had honestly believed that Caleb had understood her need to prove that she wasn't just someone who could be overlooked. After all, Caleb had gone above and beyond to ensure that her tuition was paid for. She believed that together they would support each other in achieving their goals and dreams. Wasn't that what couples did anyway?

Hanna had always supported Caleb. She had waited trustingly for him to return when he had gone to meet with his biological mother in Monte Carlo. Hanna had pushed to help Caleb forge a relationship with his dad and later gave him space to bond with his father. She knew when Caleb had wanted to stay in Ravenswood, encouraging him to follow his gut, while she had waited until he had come back, only to have him turn around and say goodbye again.

Even then, while her heart was breaking and she had begged him to stay or take her with, Hanna had let Caleb go when he had asked her to. She had done so because she had loved him unconditionally. When he had returned to Rosewood afterwards, she had not given up hope on him, staying by his side, even developing her own little drinking habit and doing whatever it took to get him to open up to her.

Hanna had believed that they had had it all. Caleb too was always there for her. When her mum had been falsely accused of murder, when _she_ had been falsely accused of murder, when Hanna had been kidnapped, Caleb had found a way to track her down even when the police had failed to do so.

Remembering their long and arduous, but also beautiful, history made Hanna's heart swell with love. She quickly rummaged in her purse. "I'm sorry, I've changed my mind." Hanna muttered hurriedly as she handed the cab driver some money.

If she had to start all over again, give up her job and put her career on hold while she went away with Caleb, then she would do that because she couldn't start all over again with someone else. Caleb was the only man she would ever truly love.

The emptiness that had greeted Hanna when she threw their apartment door open felt colder than the rain that had soaked her clothes. Maybe Hanna had taken it for granted. Maybe because of all the times Caleb had stood by her he hadn't felt like this should have been one of those times. Why hadn't he waited just a few more seconds? Hanna would have come back to their apartment and be in his arms again. Instead she was wet and reality was like the cold, unforgiving floor sadness and regret had made her crumble down upon.

 _ **August 2013**_

As the days turned into weeks Hanna stopped thinking that every time her phone vibrated it could be Caleb. Hope gave way to depression and she no longer even bothered to answer her door or check her mail. Instead she drowned herself in the thing that had torn her relationship apart. Work.

At the end of the month however, when she could no longer find excuses for her overdue period, she knew she had to go to a drug store. The miserable aunty Suzie, as Hanna had dubbed her monthly menstrual cycle, was never late. Hanna had put her loss of appetite and nausea down to stress, too happy with the weight she'd lost to bother about her health until she realised there could be another explanation for her sudden symptoms.

When Hanna first picked up the pee stick in her musty excuse for a bathroom, she had felt frozen with shock. The silliest thought formed in Hanna's mind. "Was this what Anna felt like when Elsa had mistakenly frozen her heart?"

Then she laughed so hard at the irony of her situation that soon she became hysterical, possessed even. The joke was on her, wasn't it? After sacrificing so much for her career Hanna had basically now just pissed all over her dreams. And eventually that turned into huge wracking sobs. Hanna cried till her eyes were so puffy she couldn't see clearly any longer, she had blown snot so many times when congestion made it hard to breathe, that her nose was raw and her head was so heavy with thoughts of her current situation it was definitely going to explode.

She was pregnant.

 _ **October 2013**_

"Have you told Caleb yet?" Wren Kingston asked softly.

"He's not the father." Hanna glared at the British doctor who used to date Spencer's older sister, Melissa Hastings – twice. Hanna wasn't sure why the vehement denial flowed so easily from her tongue but she knew it had all started with Melissa.

Wren had once been Melissa's ex fiancé and Hanna knew him from her Rosewood days. He wasn't above using his medical license to help out a friend which was why Hanna had turned to him. She wasn't quite ready to go to a doctor yet, some detached stranger who would just go through the motions with her. She needed someone who would become invested enough to help her with something that wasn't above board if need be.

It was just her luck, and misfortune, that a month or so ago she had bumped into a distraught Melissa Hastings in a ladies room.

Melissa had been drunk and raving about how "A" had screwed up her relationship with Wren by exposing how she had buried Bethany Young alive when she thought Spencer had killed the crazy Ali look alike.

Hanna hadn't felt sympathetic towards Melissa, having her own shit to deal with and she was in no mood to fake pity either. Also, Melissa hadn't been Hanna's favourite person in Rosewood, so much so that at one point Hanna had solemnly swore that Melissa had killed Ali.

That night though, those reasons had not been why Hanna had hated Melissa so badly. Melissa had raised the bar to a whole knew level of bitch. Hanna had been working up the courage to try and find a way to contact Caleb again, maybe call his mum or dad or just try his old email address, but Melissa had poured acid over Hanna's fragile hopes.

"But I guess it's not just my love life "A" has messed with, is it?" Melissa had looked at Hanna with hard brown eyes, devoid of her sister's warmth and Hanna had almost wanted to shiver. Almost.

When Hanna continued to stare at Melissa silently, Spencer's sister had elaborated. "I saw Caleb abroad, at a club, a few weeks ago. He looked really happy with the girl he was with."

Hanna felt her insides quake. While she looked at Melissa with nothing but boredom Hanna could hear her blood gushing through her veins as equal parts of excitement and horror coursed through her body when she heard Caleb's name.

"The funny thing is, Hanna, I've never seen him that happy. Granted it could have been the alcohol and the leggy blonde he was tongue twisting with, but it makes you wonder when he stopped being happy with you, doesn't it?"

Melissa couldn't have hurt Hanna more if she had physically slapped her across the face. Yet never one to stand back while dirt was being slung at her, and with her pride on the line, Hanna swallowed past her burning throat. "For the record, I walked out on Caleb."

Technically that had been the truth because the reason Caleb had left Hanna was because she had left their apartment for work. However, Melissa did not need to know the finer details. The bitch was already rubbing salt in the wounds, why give the cow any more ammunition.

There must have been some sort of weakness in Hanna's smokescreen though, because like a shark Melissa sniffed blood. "Don't worry, Hanna, it happens to the best of us." Melissa gave her a self depreciating smile before she smirked coldly. "At least you know Caleb has a thing for blondes though."

When Melissa had walked out of the ladies room Hanna had immediately hunched over the porcelain wash basin and hurled out the few canapés she had tried to digest that evening. While Hanna knew that Melissa had just been hurt and lashing out at the one person who was there at the wrong place at the wrong time, which unfortunately had to be Hanna, she couldn't quite forget Melissa's words. They were like lyrics to a really terrible song that you couldn't stop singing just because it had a good beat.

They also cut down to a deeper problem.

Hanna's abandonment issues. The pregnant blonde had woken up that night drenched in sweat, literally crying from a nightmare. She had told Caleb that she was pregnant in her dream and he had been so distraught at the news that dream Hanna had immediately felt like bawling.

Dream Caleb hadn't taken to the idea of being a father. He had starting running away from Hanna, claiming that he didn't know the first thing about being a dad. He told her that he was just like his own father and he couldn't raise a child with her. As if on queue, a beautiful blonde woman appeared in Hanna's dream and Caleb reached out for the other woman, looking at Hanna in disgust.

"But you knew what it felt like to be fatherless. How can you want your child to go trough that?" Hanna had demanded.

But dream Caleb had turned into Hanna's father and that was when things turned really haunting. "I don't love you anymore, Hanna. You're not good enough. There's someone else who's a better fit for me, who will take your place. I can't be there for you and your child"

Melissa Hastings' would never know the type of primal fear she had unleashed within Hanna but from that moment onwards, every time Hanna thought of telling Caleb the truth, she pictured him laughing at her, his arm around another faceless woman.

Hanna did not want to end up like her mother. She would not put her child through what she had endured coming from a broken home. After all, hadn't she turned out just fine with one parent? Her father had only caused more damage to her self esteem and trust anyway. He had let Hanna down on so many occasions that each time had left a new, deeper scar. No, she couldn't take the risk. She couldn't suffer like that a second time round, she couldn't put her innocent, unborn child through this. She needed out.

And didn't Caleb deserve an out too? She did not want to turn him into his father either. He was clearly moving on without her and she couldn't bear to burden him with a child he hadn't wanted in the first place. Especially with a woman he had walked out on. Even Tom Marin had dumped Hanna when he had left her mother, Ashley.

"There are other options you know." Wren told her seriously, his accented voice bringing Hanna back to the present.

"Options?" Hanna repeated uncertainly as she ate from the tub of chocolate ice-cream Wren had handed her when she arrived.

She was curled up on his ratty English sofa, in his apartment, feeling oddly comfortable in his presence. Strangely Wren had always had that effect on her. Probably because he was a doctor, but it didn't hurt that he was really good looking and smart with a sexy English accent too. However, Wren wasn't a very aggressive person. His manner was mild and he could rarely ever say no to a friend in need. This was exactly what Hanna was.

"Yeah, you know, abortion, adoption."

"Do all the words where you get rid of your child start with _a_?" Hanna said bitterly.

Wren looked sympathetically at her. "Hanna, you're nineteen. Are you ready for the responsibilities that come with being a single mother?"

Hanna knew that there was abortion. She had thought of it as a possibility herself. However, when she had read about pregnancy on line Hanna could not believe what that one little word actually entailed. Sure it wasn't the prettiest experience in the world, she would get fat and puke her guts out at all parts of the day and night, she would probably pee in her underwear during her later stages, but inside of her there was a new life forming. Growing. The information left Hanna with a surreal feeling. She was awestruck that right at that moment there was another person within her.

A being that would eventually form little arms and feet of their own. A creation that was a little bit of Caleb and little bit of her. Maybe, deep down, she wanted to have something of Caleb's to hold on to because she wasn't ready to let go of him as yet, but when Hanna felt the now familiar tiny flutter in her lower abdomen, she knew there was only one decision she would make.

"I'm keeping my baby."

 _ **December 2014**_

"You shouldn't be working this late."

Hanna looked up at the person who had spoken to her. In the last month she had come to know that voice very well. His accent wasn't American so she could even place him in a crowed and noisy room.

"Shouldn't you be complimenting my work ethics for being here so late?" She shot back.

Jordan Hobart smiled, showing of straight and white teeth. He shrugged broad shoulders as he sat on the edge of Hanna's desk, his pants stretching across muscular thighs. He picked up a folder and raised his neatly arched eyebrows.

"The Ross takeover was only signed today. You already have the paperwork ready?"

It was Hanna's turn to shrug as she turned her back on her boss's boss. The truth was, Jordan Hobart unnerved her. "It's only my second month here, I have to make an impression on my boss, make sure she keeps me around."

"Oh, you've made an impression, all right." Jordan said lazily and Hanna didn't like the hidden meaning in his words.

After deciding she was keeping her baby, Hanna had started taking care of herself. She began to put on weight, making it difficult to hide her baby bump any longer. She knew she would have to leave the fashion world for the time being. At least until she had had her baby. Hanna also couldn't have dealt with the stress Claudia put her under because it felt like her hormones were on overdrive. Especially anger.

Hanna had been so close to stabbing Claudia with a letter opener and that was how she had known it had definitely been time to quit the job she had sacrificed so much to keep. In the end she had to make use of the only resources she could, without having her best friends or her mother become suspicious of her actions. Therefore Hanna had contacted Mona Vanderwaal.

The good thing was, even though Mona must have already known what Hanna was going through, this was probably the "A" in her, Mona hadn't asked any questions when Hanna had said she needed a job. This had confirmed that Hanna had made the right decision in contacting Mona, who had willingly got Hanna an interview with a college buddy who was now a high level member at Barnes Investment Group.

Hanna remembered her interview with embarrassing clarity and she suspected she always would. She had been so nervous about it that she had eaten an entire cheeseburger before hand, knowing it was a bad decision but her appetite had went back to normal after her first trimester.

At first she knew she wasn't doing very well, not having any experience in investment banking but when Jade Spears had dismissed Hanna with cool green eyes, Hanna knew she had nothing to lose. So she told the truth.

"Look, I may not be a nerd who likes working with figures but I was told that this was a secretary's post. I can read, I can type, I did filing for a dentist back in high school and I have a great fashion sense and an eye for detail. I guarantee you that my dressing won't want to make you cover your eyes and there won't be any typing errors or misspelled words on your desk." Hanna blurted.

When Jade still looked at Hanna uncertainly she knew she'd have to do better than that. Thankfully she had captured Jade's attention with her outburst and she thought that she could appeal to Jade's feminine side. After all, Jade was the mother of an eleven year old boy named Hugh.

"I'm also four months pregnant, single and living in a cardboard box. I need this job, _please_."

Immediately Jade's cool green eyes were awash with empathy and she motioned for Hanna to sit. "Thank you." Hanna sighed.

When Hanna had been given the job on a trial basis, she had been so excited she had jumped up eagerly to shake Jade's hand that the action had made her stomach lurch. Hanna had ended up vomiting in one of Jade's expensive vases, which she had tried to replace with her first paycheque. However, while she had lost some of her pride and dignity that humiliating day, she had gained a steady income and a new friend.

Hanna's job paid well enough for her to be able to afford to live comfortably on her own. Jade had thrown in medical cover which made it easy to meet the expense of her appointments with the best obstetrician Wren had entrusted her with. And at work, Hanna was able to stay to herself most of the time and interacted closely with Jade only. Until Jordan had come along, that was.

He was a branch manager, higher up in the hierarchy than Jade, but it was clear that everyone respected Jordan Hobart for his personal characteristics as well. Hanna hadn't thought much of him when she had first seen him, he was from a country where water ran backwards, she had read that some where in high school, but for some reason Jordan paid a little too much attention to her. This made it difficult for Hanna not to form an opinion of him.

He had held her hand a few seconds longer than necessary when they had been introduced, he insisted on making small talk with Hanna whenever he came to see Jade, despite Hanna's clear reluctance, and he requested Hanna always handle his work diary, even though there were far more experienced and better looking secretaries at his disposal.

Which was the point. If Hanna hadn't been expecting, she would have definitely understood her appeal, but she was now five months pregnant. She had to wear clothing that fitted her loosely so she could breathe at work, her thighs had increased in size and her bottom could be on a music video for big butts.

Yet here was Jordan, again in Jade's office while Hanna was working late.

Working late was something Hanna did sometimes when she took off a few hours from her work day for her classes. She had come too far to quit college all together.

"Can I give you a lift home?" Jordan asked in his Australian accent. His voice was actually starting to grow on her.

"No, thanks." Hanna replied shortly, not turning to look at him at all, still focused on her filing. When she felt Jordan's eyes still on her, Hanna started to feel uncomfortable, making her fumble with a few files.

"Hanna." It wasn't the way Jordan said her name, with such care or the way the _h_ rolled of his tongue like a caress, but the fact that he had stood up from sitting on her desk and was now standing right next to her.

Hanna was afraid to move. Her round belly was already touching the filing cabinet and she didn't want to turn around and have it touch Jordan. The idea was too personal.

"What?" Hanna asked in irritation at being in a situation she wasn't too happy about. She didn't care if Jordan was management, she would give him a paper cut if he tried anything funny with her. Although the truth was that Hanna didn't feel scared at being alone and this close to Jordan. It was more the fact that even though Hanna took extra special care in her appearance nowadays, just because she looked like a Halloween pumpkin, didn't mean she wanted to feel like one too, she still didn't see her appeal.

Jordan was a successful, handsome man with a foreign accent. He probably had woman flocking to be with him. Hanna was a pregnant secretary with no ring on her finger. While this wasn't the stone ages, _she_ wouldn't want to date her at this point. There was just too much baggage involved. Figuratively and looking down at Hanna's size now, literally too.

Jordan did not get upset at the tone of her voice though, instead he gently took the file from her. "This is labelled W." He bent down for her and neatly tucked the file away in its proper cabinet.

Hanna felt ashamed for her behaviour and took the time to step away from Jordan and compose herself. She turned back to face him. "I'm sorry." She said softly, rubbing her palms with her thumbs and blowing at the tendrils of hair that had fallen across her flushed cheek.

"For what?" He asked easily, smiling at her with indulgence, taking a step closer to her so she could smell his expensive cologne and gently brushing away the stray locks of blonde hair from her face. His movements weren't demanding or sexual but gentle and tender.

Suddenly she was crying. Something which was as anathema for Hanna as wearing last seasons dress to a major event, especially in front of a man. Jordan was just so … _nice_. And when he held her, his shoulders were so big that for once Hanna didn't have to pretend. She was fat and pregnant, her feet felt too big for her wedge heels, her breasts ached at the slightest touch and she spent most of her nights in the bath either puking or peeing.

 _ **January 2014**_

Hanna wished she was anywhere but on her couch in her ratty apartment at this moment.

"Say something, please." She begged her mother.

Ashley opened her mouth, not unlike a fish out of water before closing it back again.

Hanna hated the stunned and disappointed look her mother was giving her. While it wasn't the first time for Hanna, she had seen it when she had been arrested for shoplifting and when she had lost the money her mother had laundered during a house party, but today was different. Her mother was not someone who was ever short of words but Ashley sat staring in disbelief at Hanna's tummy.

"I …" Again Hanna's mother trailed off.

"Mum, please." Hanna begged. She knew that she was pleading for understanding from the one person she could never take scorn from. Hanna was asking that her mother understand and support her.

At her daughter's plea Ashley seemed to have regained some of her vocabulary and brain cells that had been shocked into hiding when Ashley had seen her nineteen year old daughter pregnant. She swallowed visibly and cleared her throat loudly. "Where is Caleb?"

 _Where is Caleb?_ Hanna turned the question over and over in her head. _"I have no freaking idea!"_ That was what she wanted to say instead Hanna frowned at her mother in thought. Hanna hadn't told anyone, not even Ashley, about her break up. That was the ideal part about being in a different state from your friends and family. It became easier to keep secrets.

Hanna knew without a doubt that if she told her mother that Caleb didn't know he was going to be a father in a few short months that Ashley would hit her over the head with a frying pan, pregnant or not. Ashley would then convince Hanna that Caleb had a right to know. And maybe her mother would be right, but what was the point in explaining her doubts and fears of rejection when Ashley would understand better than anyone but probably still force Hanna to tell the truth.

She had been dealing with her pregnancy by herself for the last five months now. Hanna didn't want the added stress and pressure of considering another persons feelings as well. She was already thinking about two people's well being and she had just taken on her mother's now as well.

"Mum, it's not Caleb's. We broke up months ago." The half lie rolled off Hanna's tongue with ease. She wondered if she was beginning to believe it herself.

"Hanna!" Her mother chastised in disbelief. Ashley got up and started to pace Hanna's tiny apartment. The click of her heels sounded like a whip being brandished against Hanna's heart and she flinched. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

Hanna stood up, her mother's pacing making her feel nauseas. "I don't know, okay. Maybe because I was afraid that this would be your reaction, this sickening sort of disgust and disappointed over your nineteen year old daughter being knocked up in New York when she came here for an education." Hanna was close to tears now.

At her confession however, Ashley stood still. "Oh, Hanna." She finally said and immediately embraced her daughter with all the love only a mother could offer. Hanna clung to her mum like a new born baby.

It was in the comfort of her mother's embrace that Hanna told Ashley how Caleb had walked out on her. Although the real story wouldn't work now that she had lied to Ashley about Caleb not being the father of her child, so what could Hanna do but lie some more.

" _Trust me, you're always better of with a really good lie …"_

Those words haunted Hanna worse than a threatening text message from "A" could, but still Hanna couldn't bring herself to speak honestly. She was already too far caught up in her lie. Hanna told her mother that she and Caleb had been having problems because he couldn't handle how much time she had been spending at work. This drove a wedge between them and it had drove Hanna into another man's arms.

Hanna wasn't bothered that her lie was making her sound like a terrible person, as long as her mother believed it and kept a secret for Hanna. It was quite possibly also her subconscious trying to ease her conscience for not telling Caleb he was going to be a father. In the end however, her fear and lingering resentment for Caleb walking out on her won out. Besides, it was too late now.

Hanna was just grateful that there was no judgement from her mother; instead Ashley continued to stroke Hanna's long blonde hair.

"Mum, you can't tell anyone about this." At this request Ashley held Hanna at arms length so she could look at her daughter and raise her auburn eyebrows at the younger woman.

"Hanna, you can't hide that you're pregnant."

"I've hidden it for five months. I don't think Caleb's going to tell anyone the reason we broke up." Hanna treaded carefully. Of course he wouldn't tell people what Hanna had just told her mother because it was a lie that he wasn't even aware existed.

"Hanna, maybe if you just spoke to him, asked him to give you another chance." Hanna felt her heart twist. Her mother had grown so fond of Caleb that Ashley wasn't willing to give up hope just yet. Hanna knew she had to crush it or her plan would backfire in her face.

"With another man's baby growing inside of me?" Hanna said sarcastically.

Hanna hid her guilt when her mother flinched at her choice of words. Hanna had agreed for her mother to visit her in New York because Jordan had given her the courage to finally face Ashley. This was after he had made her homesick by forgoing his own plans to spend the holidays with his family so Hanna did not have to be alone during Christmas and New Year's Eve.

Hanna thought about what a good friend Jordan had become ever since she had blubbered snot all over his shirt that faithful night she had opened up to him. Jordan had told Hanna that he admired her. He hadn't known that strong women like her still existed. He told her he respected her for not choosing the easy way out and having an abortion, instead she was working hard, sometimes late nights, to pay for school and save for her baby.

Hanna had wondered if a man had ever praised her or looked at her in such a flattering light since Caleb. But Jordan was different from Caleb. He didn't mind that she worked so much, or she was taking a few night classes so she could finish a few extra modules before the baby came. He never complained when he had to sometimes pick up dinner some nights because the only way Hanna could cook was burned.

Jordan did not get frustrated with her when she cancelled on him at the last minute because she had to do an assignment or stay late at the office. In fact, most of those times, Jordan had stayed up with her, helping her instead of trying to get her to ditch it. He allowed her to prioritise. He had the being an adult thing down to a tee.

"Doesn't it bother you that you're not number one on my priority list?" She couldn't help but ask one night when he had been pouring over her fashion notes so he could find an answer to her assignment question.

Jordan smiled up at her. She liked that no matter how busy he was, he always turned to look at her when she spoke to him. Hanna always had his undivided attention. "Being on your priority list is what matters. Just because I'm not first doesn't mean I'm less important, it just means that you have to manage your time in a way that best suits your priorities. You're juggling a job, school and pregnancy, why would I get upset that you still see me four out of seven days a week?"

Hanna had been in awe at his answer. Jordan was mature and secure; he didn't need reassurance because he never second guessed his decisions. It was probably what made him so successful in his field of business as well. However Hanna wondered what she had done to deserve a friend like him and when she had said as much Jordan had frowned at her.

"I'm a patient man, Hanna, but surely even you know that I'm not just here to be your friend."

Hanna chocked on her words but she couldn't look away from Jordan's intense brown gaze. "What are you hear for then?" She had asked breathlessly.

"You're a smart woman, Hanna. Do I really need to spell it out for you?"

"Humour me." She had replied tartly. But the only answer Jordan had given her was a sweet, tender kiss on her lips.

Hanna's shoulders slumped and her stomach fluttered at the feel of his lips on hers. She felt a sense of safety and security she had never felt in her entire life. Calmness stole over her and Hanna released a small sigh. Jordan touched her cheek and she leaned into his hand. Just then she felt her baby kick for the very first time. In her excitement Hanna quickly pulled Jordan's hand and laid it upon her rounded belly.

"Do you feel that?" Hanna's eyes were wide as she locked her gaze with Jordan's. He looked completely stunned for a moment, speechless but later Hanna realised that a moment as breathtaking as that didn't need any words.

Hanna however had also felt an unmistakable sense of loss that she wasn't sharing this with Caleb but she quickly shoved it aside. How many special moments of her pregnancy had she already experienced alone? But now she actually had someone to share it with. Someone who clearly cared as well.

"You're amazing, Hanna Marin." Jordan's words from that night sounded around Hanna, filling her with a new sense of courage as if he was in the same room as her.

Hanna opened her eyes and stared at her mother. "I'm marrying the baby's father."

 _ **Present Day Aril 2017**_

Hanna looked at her two year old daughter. Lys was only going to stay two for a couple more weeks but only a handful of people knew that. Everyone except her mother, Jordan, Wren, her obstetrician and Hanna knew that Lys was born at the end of August. Making Hanna able to take of four months from her daughter and lie about conception dates.

The beauty of Hanna's plan was that even when Lys had been a year old, she had still been chubby, her legs pudgy and short and not very interested in walking. Lys had started speaking words later than an average child and Hanna couldn't have worked out better props for her lie. The Greek Gods had probably approved of Hanna's choice of the name Calypso for her daughter and therefore ensured Lys had been one of those babies who took a little longer to advance. The truth was Hanna had chosen it for it's similarity to Caleb, even though they both meant completely different things.

It had also been fortunate for Hanna that she hadn't had to see her friends except for when she attended Emily's dad's funeral, which had thankfully been in his hometown, before Mr Fields was buried in Rosewood. Lys had not been introduced to Hanna's friends at all until Hanna felt completely secure that she could get away with her lie. Hanna had admitted to her friends that she had gotten married hurriedly and without them because she had been pregnant, but that it was only a formality because she loved her husband and was very happy with him. Although Hanna had given birth in April, it had taken her over a year to regain her figure so it was easy to lie that she had only delivered in August of 2014 instead.

Then with the aid of Wren, Hanna had been able to seal Lys' original birth records when Jordan officially adopted Lys as his own daughter. Wren had made sure that Lys' new birth certificate said her birthday was on the 28th of August instead of April. It had been an elaborate lie.

" _I don't know how I'm going to face Caleb." Ashley had confided once during her visit to see her new granddaughter. Ashley was immediately smitten by Calypso and Hanna knew Ashley would lie about Lys' birth date to protect Lys and Hanna from shame, just as Jordan did._

" _Mum, you're in Rosewood and God knows where he is. I doubt you'll have to worry about that."_

Hanna would have never expected that Caleb would date one of her best friends, keeping him in her circle and ensuring she had to face him with Lys in tow. The irony though, was that it was Hanna who was having a difficult time facing Caleb. This lie, while it had haunted her for a long time after Lys was born, had started to become a reality.

Alison DiLaurentis had probably thought Hanna the tricks of the trade a little too well. Because even though Hanna could never forget who Lys' father was, she had become comfortable with her pretend life, and forgotten that she had a huge secret hanging over her head.

Now that she was back in Rosewood, she had to do everything in her power to make sure that it did not come tumbling all around her.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Selfless**_

 _ **Chapter Three**_

 **HANNA** cheered so exuberantly that when she raised her drink some of her pink coloured cocktail sloshed over the rim of her glass. "Oops." Hanna giggled girlishly as she nudged through the throng of girls circled around Aria.

Hanna unsteadily made her way to the main table that was laden with more alcohol than food. She picked up a napkin and wiped her sticky hand before refilling her glass. She turned around but did not immediately make her way back to her friends instead she took in a steadying, deep breath away from all the excitement going on around her. Hanna was already on her fourth cocktail for the night and by now she was feeling a little more than tipsy.

Being back in Rosewood had its pros, Hanna decided graciously. Being back in her hometown she could actually drink as much as she desired, without having to worry about going back home sober enough to relieve her nanny and check on Lys in bed. Her daughter was spending the night with her mother because it was Aria's bachelorette party tonight and Ashley had insisted that Hanna enjoy herself fully.

While Hanna had left the major planning to Spencer, who had a knack for organising people and things, and the food to Emily, whose mum was a whiz in the kitchen and could therefore tell the difference between pinafores and petit fours, Hanna had taken on the responsibilities of dressing up Aria, ensuring their glasses always runneth over and that there was a ridiculously sexy stripper ready to make their best friend's night memorable.

Hanna glanced over at the bride to be. Hanna had designed an outrageously sexy black dress for Aria with a white detailed lingerie bodice and a lacy ballerina styled skirt to reflect Aria's personal style. Paired with stripper, fishnet stockings that ended at Aria's creamy thighs and three inch high spindly heels, the outfit was not something you could wear to a Sunday Church service but Hanna knew it was the perfect dress to celebrate in before Aria's impending nuptials.

Hanna had then strategically placed folded dollar bills around and about Aria, which the stripper would pry from her with only his mouth. On either side of Aria's bare shoulders, there were two notes held against her skin by the thin straps of her dress, some nestled above and one at the dead centre of her cleavage, a few tucked into the fashionable band at her waist, which held the lingerie bodice and skirt together, and a couple at the top of her smooth thighs where her stockings ended.

Hanna had hired a stripper who had arrived dressed up as a teacher, complete with a briefcase, blackboard ruler and black rimmed glasses. Her ideas were a hit and Hanna felt a rush of pride and happiness swell up inside of her. She watched the stripper naughtily bend down and slowly part Aria's thighs to grasp the dollar bills that were being held by the future bride's stockings – with his teeth no less. The top of his head was flush between Aria's thighs and the girlish squeal she let out was lost amidst all the loud encouraging hoots, whistling and catcalling from the other women. Hanna tilted her head to the side as she examined the stripper's backside while he was bending over. It was definitely built to appreciate. Even Emily, a staunch lesbian had to admit that he was hot with a capital letter h, even though Hanna saw her shooting smouldering glances at Ezra's Brew manager, Sabrina.

Just then Spencer danced her way over to Hanna, her arms raised above her head and her slender hips swaying to the beat of the thumping music. She came to stand next to Hanna. "Maybe the guys over at the Brew should have hired you." Hanna teased referring to Ezra's bachelor party which was also taking place tonight.

Spencer grinned good naturedly. "They wouldn't be able to afford me." The brunette joked. She drained her glass and turned to smile at Hanna. "You've outdone yourself, Han'." Spencer complimented as she too refilled her glass with alcohol.

Hanna took in the décor that was designed to look like one of their high school classrooms, like the single, wooden desks and chairs neatly rowed up, which were layered with finger foods. There were large, colourful charts that looked like they belonged in a Life and Wellness class, all depicting the anatomy of males and females, stuck around on the walls. A projector played a video on abstinence and the consequences of unprotected sex in the back round and there was even a teacher's table in one corner, complete with an apple and a box of condoms next to it. Now that table was stacked with all of Aria's exciting gifts. Behind that was a large blackboard that read _Congratulations Aria_. It was completely the wrong environment for what they were doing right now, it was probably defiling schools world wide, but it was also the perfect set up to bring meaning to the party.

"You too." Spencer turned to stand beside Hanna and they smiled before raising their glasses in salute to each other.

Then Spencer looked up at Hanna through hooded lids, it was that coy thing she did when she was trying to gain information from someone. Spencer nursed her glass. "I wonder what the guys are up to." Hanna wasn't fooled into thinking Spencer was simply curios when it really was a way to steer the conversation in the direction she wanted it to go down.

Hanna shrugged. "Wes is pretty young, has he even been to a bachelor party before?" Hanna joked about Wesley Fitzgerald who was Ezra's younger brother.

"Caleb and Toby spent a lot of time planning the details it was just for Wes to keep Ezra occupied while they defiled the Brew." Spencer offered Hanna a conspiratorial smile. They both knew how much effort, time and handy work Ezra had invested in the Brew. It was much more than just a business for Aria's fiancé.

Hanna smirked. "I'm sure he won't remember any of it tomorrow morning."

Spencer nodded, taking another sip of her cocktail. "So, did Jordan go over?"

Hanna nodded. "Jordan's met Ezra a few times." Hanna and Aria had been on many double dates with Jordan and Ezra in the last year.

"Are you fine with Jordan and Caleb meeting without you being there?" Spencer asked bluntly.

Although Hanna shrugged she wasn't as blasé about the idea as she seemed. Not at all. She just could not imagine Caleb and Jordan meeting tonight, the idea just seemed so far fetched to her. However, she was admittedly glad that she did not have to be the one to introduce the two.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Hanna deflected the question with her own, not feeling comfortable with being truthful with anyone but herself for now.

It was Spencer's turn to shrug. "It's a sensitive situation that's why I thought it would have been better for Caleb to visit and meet Jordan personally before they were thrown together like this. It was unfortunate that Jordan hadn't been there that morning."

While Spencer sipped from her glass, Hanna's stilled in mid air on its way to her lips. It had been Spencer's idea for Caleb to come see her and apparently Jordan as well. It had not been because Caleb had wanted to see how Hanna was and to clear the air between them. This meant that Caleb had obviously spoken to Spencer about his meeting with her. Spencer even knew that Jordan hadn't been at the Radley that morning. Hanna felt betrayed.

Why had Caleb failed to mention that he had only come there because Spencer had asked him to? Did that mean that Spencer and he felt pity for Hanna, did they think that Hanna might have reacted badly to seeing Caleb again and would have caused a scene at Aria's wedding, because it couldn't all be about Jordan. There wasn't any history between Jordan and Caleb, it had all been about Hanna and Caleb. Hanna did not like to think that one of her best friends' and her ex lover had made decisions about her. It was bad enough that they were shacking up together.

"It was your idea?" Hanna couldn't help but ask. When the brunette nodded, Hanna bristled. "Why?"

"Like I said, I just thought it would have been good for Caleb to meet Jordan before hand. Rosewood's a small town and I wanted to ensure their first meeting wasn't pressurised. They also won't be able to just overlook each other either, we have a small circle of friends, Hanna."

"Is that why you like to shop from other peoples' carts, because there aren't enough options out there?" Hanna blurted, the filter she had harnessed as she had gotten older malfunctioning because of her irritation.

Spencer's apple cheeks reddened but her posture straightened. Hanna and her glared at each other, something almost primitive and challenging passed between them. As if they weren't friends but two girls in the same gym class who was crushing on the same, buff soccer player.

"After you married someone else and had a kid, I didn't think that Caleb was still in your cart. But remember that I did come to you first, before I started shopping." Spencer said bitterly.

"Look, I'm sorry." Hanna sighed, bringing a hand to her temple. Suddenly she felt very tired, the alcohol she had greedily drunk all night started to make her feel queasy. She knew she had to look at Spencer though, even if that was the last thing she wanted to do right then. "It's just that see Caleb was completely unexpected and I don't do surprises very well, you know that. I hadn't seen him in years and suddenly he's standing at my door. It was all just so awkward and strained to be honest."

Spencer was as stiff as cardboard but when she heard Hanna's open confession her face clouded apologetically before her shoulders slumped and she nodded. "Maybe I hadn't thought it through clearly enough, I don't know. I honestly had your best interests at heart, Han', I just wanted you guys to … to be friends again."

Hanna wanted to believe that Spencer only had her best interests at heart but the blonde also knew that Spencer had a primordial need to control everything around her. Hanna gave Spencer a tight smile and quickly squeezed her friend's arm, because right then she couldn't find the words to say it was all right and then excused herself before she made her way to the bathroom.

xxx

Caleb hadn't been aware that Ezra and Hanna's husband had built their own friendship but apparently this stemmed from the many double dates Hanna and Aria had gone on together. It was probably ridiculous for him to think that Hanna had kept Jordan away from all her friends. Clearly it was only Caleb, and recently by extension Spencer, who was actually being kept away from Hanna's new life. Although that was something that Caleb could not blame Hanna for.

Right now though, Toby had asked Caleb and Jordan to man the tables and Caleb wondered if his cop friend had done this on purpose, to give him and Hanna's husband time to themselves. To bond or hash it out or whatever ex boyfriends and current husbands did when they met each other for the first time.

"Ah, I finally get to meet _thee_ Caleb Rivers." There was no malice or mockery in Jordan's sincere voice so there was nothing left for Caleb to do but offer Jordan his hand.

"It's nice to meet you." Caleb responded.

In looks Jordan reminded Caleb of Hanna's old boyfriend, Sean Ackard. Tall and muscular with short blonde hair and symmetrical features, Jordan looked like a golden boy. Caleb would have not been surprised if Jordan used to have a virginity pledge back in high school as well.

"I'm sorry I missed you when you stopped by the other day." Jordan said regretfully and Caleb shrugged.

"We were bound to meet sooner." Caleb replied easily.

Jordan nodded. "I'm glad it's sooner rather than later."

Caleb had no idea what to say to that. Yes, he himself had been curious to meet Hanna's husband, but he would have also been happy not to meet the man his first real love was now married to. The circumstances were unorthodox and definitely something Caleb had not been exposed to before. Was there a protocol for this sort of situation? If there was he had certainly missed out on it.

"Here, let's unfold this table." Caleb diverted as he placed his beer down and veered to a fold up table leaning against a wall.

They were busy throwing Ezra a bachelor party, or buck as Jordan referred to it with his Australian accent, at the Brew because after a wild night Ezra could just up a flight of stairs and be safely in his apartment. Jordan picked up the glossy chunk of wood that was used to extend the table but when he frowned at it in confusion, trying to figure out which side it should go Caleb intervened.

"I think it goes this way." Caleb said helpfully. "I used to have one just like it."

"Oh, the one with the scratch in the middle?" Jordan grinned up at Caleb. "Hanna wouldn't leave without it and it was the first piece of furniture we moved into our new home."

Caleb stood shell shocked for a moment, one side of the smooth and heavy wood still in his hands. He mechanically slotted it gently into its place. Hanna had kept his table? The only piece of furniture he had owned since childhood, the only sense of security life had offered him back then. What was even weirder was that Jordan was definitely not angry that Hanna was holding on to her ex's table. Shouldn't he be? Why was Hanna doing it anyway? Wasn't part of the moving on process destroying everything of your ex's?

When Caleb still looked perplexedly up at Jordan the other man shrugged. "That table meant a lot to you and you mean a lot to Hanna, Caleb." Jordan said this as if he were explaining something really simple to a two year old.

However the words, spoken in the present tense, took Caleb by so much surprise that he swallowed hard. How the hell was he supposed to come up with a decent reply to that? Didn't your ex girlfriend's husband generally hate you, not cheerfully tell you that their wife still held on to a part of you.

Fortunately for Caleb, Toby chose that exact moment to materialise next to him and Caleb finally released the breath he had been holding unknowingly. A look passed between Jordan and Caleb though. It wasn't the sort of alpha male trying to stake his territory look observers who knew their connection would expect to see, but more like one of understanding and something else Caleb couldn't quite interpret in that moment.

Caleb just wished he understood exactly what Jordan had meant by those words, because for all their clarity they were as cryptic and complex as a firewall too.

xxx

Caleb egged Ezra on just as the other men bellowed approval and encouragement as well. They were all pretty past drunk from breast darts, a game they had devised for the bachelor party. The guys had stuck on a pair of silicone breasts on a wall and every time Ezra's dart missed the target he drank neat shots of whisky from the sexy, topless waitresses' they had hired for the night. However, when he did hit the breasts then the guys did shots instead. Not that any of the men there were complaining, they were all only too eager to have more opportunities to ogle the naked breasts of the girls serving the alcohol to them. The whiskey was thick and sat heavily in Caleb's gut, it was also probably not a good idea to mix it with the beer he normally liked to drink, but like the other guys he was far too sloshed to care.

Now Ezra was sitting at the centre of attention, holding up a carrot he had just comically slipped a condom onto while being blindfolded. His other wrist was handcuffed to a blow up doll they had gotten him. Ezra was busy fondling the doll to find the proper _location_ for the carrot to go in to. Watching that and Ezra's ridiculous expression of concentration while not being able to see, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, was hilarious for the men who had turned into rowdy boys for the night.

When Ezra had finally reached in between the blow up dolls thighs, he grinned wolfishly and instead of doing what all the guys expected him to do, he flipped the doll over before smacking her rubber bottom and crudely thrust his carrot into a not so regular position. The boys hollered and laughed with joy. Ezra stood up and whipped off his blindfold, pumping his fists in the air, the doll attached to his wrist smacking Wes and Ezra's college buddy Hardy in the face, before he bowed victoriously.

It was strange seeing Ezra like this. Caleb had witnessed a detached version of Ezra when he had been their high school teacher, a reckless Ezra when Aria and the other girls had been kidnapped and he had even known an alcoholic, depressed Ezra after his trip to South America with his ex, Nicole, but Caleb had never seen this side of Ezra before. The man looked like a school boy tonight, with faded denim jeans, a plain white t-shirt, dark hair curly from perspiration and his face completely carefree and smiling goofily. Ezra was really happy. Not just because he was filled with alcohol or because it was his bachelor party but because he looked like a man who had found everything in life that he could have ever wanted.

Something akin to nostalgia and emptiness expanded inside of Caleb's chest and maybe because Jordan was the only other married man in the room, Caleb's eyes fell upon Hanna's husband. Jordan was also the only one there that was not drinking tonight. While Caleb would have thought him a wuss or too snooty for not partaking in the festivities, after actually speaking to Jordan he knew that there must be another reason why Jordan was not spectacularly drunk by now.

Also, being sober, Jordan was still cheering and raising a glass of sparkling cider acting as crazy as the rest of the brood. He was not sulking in a corner or he had not left early but had made easy conversation with all their friends as if he had known them for years.

Suddenly Caleb felt like he was an interloper, like he didn't belong there tonight. He was suddenly watching from the outside in and while the thought was insane he couldn't help but start to feel dizzy. He looked over as Jordan rushed to Ezra's side when the groom to be swayed unsteadily. Jordan quickly signalled for Wes to uncuff the blow up doll before he put Ezra's hand around his shoulders. He guided Ezra up the steps, an equally drunk Toby following behind.

Caleb knew he should go up to check in on Ezra too but suddenly he needed fresh air. The sounds around Caleb faded, the building started to blur so Caleb made his way outside the Brew before he embarrassingly hunched over and emptied the contents of his stomach in front of an audience.

Tossing the remainder of his beer into a trash can and with his hands in his pockets Caleb tilted his head back and took in a long breath of air. It didn't settle so well with all the alcohol he had drunk but it did help him to clear his mind somewhat. The air was crisp and smelled fresh like it always did in idyllic Rosewood, the sky was velvety and even the stars twinkled brighter on this side of the world. Caleb smirked sardonically to himself. On the surface, Rosewood looked like the ideal town.

Just then the quite night that only vibrated with the thrumming of music from the Brew tonight was disturbed by the engine of a sleek town car pulling up to the curb. Caleb watched as lush legs piled out of the vehicle trying to steadily place heeled soles upon the asphalt outside. Manicured fingers gripped the car door for support before the clearly tipsy body settled precariously before Caleb. He took an instinctive step forward when he saw that the woman who had just arrived was Hanna.

A small frown creased his forehead as he wondered what she was doing there. "Hanna?" The woman in question turned around at Caleb's voice.

The car pulled away with a small purr and the only sound left between them was a hooting owl in the distance and the muffled music from inside the Brew. "What are you doing here?" Caleb asked when Hanna made no move to say anything. She stared at him uncertainly, as if he were the last person she wanted to see tonight.

Her short blonde hair was slightly tousled, her lips pink and plump, looking like she'd been licking them during the ride here, which was a classic Hanna trait. Her eyes were brighter than usual and her cheeks were flushed. He knew this to be Hanna's drunken face.

She straightened her deep red dress, which was slightly rumpled, down the full curve of her hips and thighs and Caleb quickly glanced back at her face, deciding it was safer to look into her eyes. There was irritation in her mesmerising blue depths and he couldn't help but wonder why.

Hanna gave him a haughty look and he arched one dark eyebrow at this reaction. "I'm here for my husband."

Caleb did his best to hold back his wince, especially since Hanna was staring challengingly up at him, as if daring him to have a problem with her being there. He reminded himself that Jordan was here tonight and that was also the reason he was standing outside because he had momentarily felt like he had woken up in a hospital bed with amnesia, feeling like he was suddenly living someone else's life.

"I think he's upstairs making sure Ezra doesn't drown in the toilet bowl." Caleb gave Hanna a small smile.

She raised her blonde eyebrows at him but still said nothing. Was she upset with him? "Is everything all right, Hanna?" He probed, lifting a wrist to look at his watch. It was after two am in the morning, did something happen for her to come all this way when she could have just waited for Jordan at their hotel suite.

This time her wide blue eyes narrowed as if Caleb had just asked her whether she was wearing any underwear under that figure hugging scrap of material she called a dress. Caleb inwardly flinched at the direction of his thoughts. Old habits die hard he told himself.

"It's fine, I just thought I'd come here and go home with Jordan." She looked past Caleb and into the Brew. The notion felt odd to Caleb, Hanna had never looked straight past him before.

"That's rather doting of you." Caleb teased, trying to lighten the mood. This too seemed to be the wrong thing to say because suddenly her eyes flashed and Caleb almost expected a bolt of blue lighting to strike him down where he stood.

"I'm doing this because I want to, not because I was told to." Caleb frowned at Hanna's odd choice of words and accusing glare.

"Am I missing something?" He decided to ask, even though every single one of his self preservation instincts said to leave it alone.

"No, you just missed the part where you told me it had been Spencer's idea to come see me at the Radley, not yours." Hanna spat bitterly.

Obviously he had come up in a conversation between Hanna and Spencer tonight and while Caleb felt truly uncomfortable with having his ex girlfriend and current girlfriend as best friends he knew that this situation was of his own making. He couldn't really do anything now but deal with it the best he could. What he did not understand though, was why Hanna was so upset by what she had learned.

Caleb's frown deepened before he shrugged, taking his hands out of his jeans pockets and folding them across his broad chest. "I didn't think it mattered."

"Well you know what, Caleb, it did matter. It was unexpected, it threw me off guard and it was downright awkward." Hanna blurted as if she had wanted to say that to him all night. Maybe she had, after she had spoken to Spencer.

While Caleb definitely understood the whole awkward and uncomfortable part he wondered why Hanna felt like she needed to be on her guard around him. "Look, Spencer may have suggested it, but I thought she had a point and agreed to it."

"Sometimes Spencer doesn't know best, okay. But since you would clearly do anything for your new girlfriend maybe I don't know you best." Hanna sounded like she was just as upset at Spencer as she was at him and if Caleb didn't know better he would have said that Hanna was jealous.

But he did know better and she couldn't be. It was just a taunt because Hanna hated when people thought they knew what was best for her. She also liked her life ordered and scheduled. She made a spreadsheet for what colour she was going to paint her nails each week, of course she hadn't been eager to see him out of the blue. He had not fitted into the slot she had probably compartmentalised for seeing him again.

However her snarky comment made his hackles rise and immediately he felt defensive. "Yeah, but you should know the type of boyfriend I am considering I kissed Mona bloody Vanderwaal because you asked me to." Caleb couldn't help but bring up the past, it was the best way to prove his point.

He saw Hanna's graceful throat move as she swallowed before she sighed, her antagonism towards him clearly abating. She rubbed at a temple with one hand before looking up at him. She seemed to look a little green around the edges. "It's been a long night and coming back to Rosewood hasn't been all that easy. I just need some time to adjust."

Caleb nodded, immediately feeling tired and drained as well. Fighting with Hanna towards the end of their relationship had always left him feeling this way. He had hated it. It had put a lot of emotional strain on him, his love for her becoming less clear and his doubts and frustration only sharpening in contrast.

Things were different now though, they weren't together anymore. Even though they still argued, something he suspected he and Hanna would always do, they would go their separate ways at the end of the night and neither would have to invest energy in to trying to repair the damage the words their latest argument had inflicted. Caleb expected to feel relieved at this realisation but suddenly he felt melancholy and confused.

Shaking his head slightly, as if to rid himself of such thoughts, Caleb pushed back his long hair from his face. "You should go inside." He suggested, trying to end their argument without any animosity.

Hanna nodded, but she stood still, staring up at him. Caleb did not know what else to do but look at her as well. Really take in the way the pale moonlight made her hair glow and her skin gleam. She was older now but that was not what made her seem so different. Spencer was right, there was something more to Hanna now. A mysterious facet shrouded by the blue hue of her eyes and masked by the beauty of her face. She seemed even more appealing than she used to be.

Finally she moved but instead of walking around him she flailed with a desperate cry when her ankle twisted and Caleb immediately reached out to steady her.

"Are you okay?" He asked with concern, his eyes darting over her face, his eyebrows drawn together making two horizontal lines appear between his brows.

Hanna nodded, her eyes wide and her lips parted. Caleb gently steadied her but he didn't immediately let her go. It was as if he couldn't. There had to be glue on her dress because his hands which held her waist refused to move. His fingers pressed into her soft flesh and he heard her sharp intake of breath. His hard chest could feel Hanna's erratic breathing as her soft contours pressed into his. She did not move away from him, her palms sliding up his broad shoulders and her fingers finding their way to the long hair behind his neck and curling around the locks in an intimate and all too familiar touch.

She still smelled like apples and vanilla ice cream. Caleb knew she loved to smell edible because she was such a foodie. But her scents were light and breezy, teasing his senses. They were never overpowering. It was one of the most attractive things about her. It was heady, intoxicating and suddenly Caleb felt like a teenager all over again.

He could feel her warm, alcohol tinged breath fanning his face and he tried to tell himself to breathe. Caleb tried to remember why this was wrong and why he shouldn't be holding Hanna in his arms again, so closely and intimately but he couldn't fathom any reasoning in that moment. Suddenly his mind was a blissful blank, all he could do was stare into those familiar crystal blue eyes and lean in. It was as if his body was reacting of its own volition, it worked without his mind.

The moment was shattered by loud music piercing through the little bubble he and Hanna had been ensconced in as the Brew's door opened widely. Caleb immediately stepped back from Hanna, rubbing a palm over his face as if to mask the guilt from his expression. He felt repulsed at his behaviour when he saw Jordan, Hanna's husband, join them, staring from one to the other suspiciously. Caleb immediately thought of Spencer, his loyal girlfriend who was probably waiting for him back at the barn they shared. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Hanna?" Jordan asked easily. "What are you doing here?" Caleb had to look away uncomfortably as Jordan looped an arm around Hanna's shoulders and kissed her cheek. When Hanna did this funny nod and shake of her head at the same time Jordan immediately frowned and looked at Caleb for an explanation.

Caleb cleared his throat hoping his voice hadn't fled with his common sense as well. "I was just about to come get you but she was feeling nauseas and almost doubled over. I was just steadying her before you came out." Caleb wanted to smack his forehead the moment the last few words came out of his mouth. It sounded so pathetic and flimsy like an excuse a pervert made for groping another man's wife. Caleb felt disgusted with himself. The alcohol he had been drinking through the night churned in the pit of his belly, bubbling up to the surface. He mentally encouraged himself to keep it in just a little longer.

Jordan smiled gratefully at Caleb which made him even more miserable. Was this guy a saint? Look at Hanna. She was beautiful and ridiculously sexy and even with a kid she still traipsed around in those ridiculous heels making male heads turn wherever she went. Jordan should be suspicious of any red blooded males who came ten feet near Hanna. Especially drunk, ex lovers who had been on the verge of thoroughly kissing her.

"It's a good thing your reflexes still work." Hanna spoke, her voice also sounded sickly, like she would throw up at any second now. She looked even more nauseous and unsteady than before but she gazed at Caleb uncertainly, sucking her bottom lip in that vulnerable way she did, as if trying to tell Caleb that that was all he had done, steadied her after she had tripped. Not held her flush against him for far too long and was just about to lean in and kiss her before her husband had arrived.

Jordan looked down at Hanna and placed another kiss atop her head. "Well, let's hope Caleb will always be around to catch you when I'm not here then." Her husband smiled conspiratorially and for the second time that night Caleb felt completely baffled when Jordan spoke.

However, he did not have time to ponder the other man's words though because as soon as Jordan and Hanna left, Caleb briskly walked a few paces and doubled over the side, spewing out his guilt and confusion, hoping to leave it all behind before when he left for the barn.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Selfless**_

 _ **Chapter Five**_

 **HIS** hands pressed into her hips and her skin tingled. Hanna could feel the hardness of Caleb's chest against her own and her breathing became ragged. Caleb's shoulders felt like courage and strength and she never, ever wanted to let go of him again.

"What are you doing?" In that moment, lost in emotion, Hanna could not tell if it was Caleb voicing that question or if it was the little voice inside her head called her conscience.

Hanna could feel his warm breath against her cheeks, the familiar smell of Caleb's favourite beer emanating from his firm, masculine lips. This close, their bodies touching so intimately they could have been one, Hanna could smell Caleb. His scent was spicy, intoxicating, like cinnamon and a dash of cherry liqueur. There was also something about Caleb that smelled so original and unique that Hanna was positive it was simply him. It was like nothing she had ever smelled before. Hanna's nostrils flared slightly as she inhaled deeply, the air around her made Hanna's stomach pool with desire.

Her knees trembled.

She was about to do what she had been craving to do ever since he had held her in his arms outside the Brew the other night. All Hanna's old feelings for Caleb, the ones she had kept safely locked away, had suddenly burst free, lighting a flame within her. A flare of desire had erupted inside of Hanna and she felt completely powerless against it. She wanted to kiss him over and over again to remind herself that he tasted like passion and excitement and a different kind of love.

So Hanna did exactly that. She moistened her lips with her suddenly dry tongue and Caleb's dark eyes followed the movement, instantly reflecting her own desire in his fathomless gaze. He bent his head at the exact same moment that she raised hers and their lips met.

It was a fierce and hungry kiss, sending shockwaves trough every nerve ending of Hanna's body. It set her on fire just like the first gulp of brandy burning down her airwaves. The tips of her fingers tingled and her toes curled in pleasure. Waves of exhilaration assaulted her entire body and her heart exploded in her chest.

Hanna gasped as if she had just been on the brink of death and resuscitated with a defibrillator. Perspiration beaded her forehead and she clenched her moist thighs together in guilt. She looked at the other side of her bed and for once was glad that her husband wasn't there or Jordan would have witnessed the shameful aftermath of her dream.

Her husband was Jordan, not Caleb, Hanna reminded herself sternly. If she continued to have lustful dreams about her ex lover she would have to seriously consider asking her mother to hit her over the head with a frying pan. Hanna swallowed and reached for the glass of water on her nightstand, quickly gulping the liquid down as if it could cleanse her of her sinful thoughts.

Hanna had tried her best to erase that painful, breath taking, moment from her memory, the one where she was certain that Caleb had wanted to kiss her after he had saved her from her drunkenness on the night of Aria's bachelorette party. She might have successfully buried it after a few days, but since Hanna could not control her dreams, she was still being plagued with her old feelings for Caleb.

Hanna ran her fingers through her sleep tousled hair and threw off the pure cotton covers from her heated body. She padded softly to the lounge where she found Jordan sitting at a mahogany desk, shrouded by the light from a table lamp. Hanna stood silently for a while, watching her husband. Jordan was immersed in paperwork but there was a tired expression on his face. His dark blonde hair looked full of static, like he'd run his fingers through it a million times, his mouth was curved into a frown and there were dark shadows under his normally laughing eyes.

Hanna frowned. Jordan had told her that he had been to Philly to see a doctor. That was the reason he had left so early the first morning they had arrived back in Rosewood. Jordan had visited a renowned specialist who had been recommended to him as the best Pennsylvania had to offer. According to the good doctor though, the migraines were caused by Jordan's stressful lifestyle and he would need to monitor his intake of excessive alcohol, salty foods and strenuous exercises to avoid future headaches.

She did not like to think that Jordan's lifestyle was the reason for her husband's sudden illness because she and Lys played a large part in Jordan's life. He was a naturally adventurous man, he enjoyed challenging life and pushing himself to the limit, but ever since he had agreed to marry her and adopt Lys, everything that Jordan did, now revolved around the two women in his life. Hanna suddenly felt like her limbs were like clothes soaked in water, heavy and debilitating. Was she a burden to her husband?

" _I need you to marry me." Hanna blurted across the table from Jordan. His fork stilled halfway to his lips. Then he shrugged and popped it into his mouth, chewing slowly. Hanna was certain he was not doing so just to savour his steak._

 _Ever since she had lied to her mother about whom Lys' father was and that she was going to marry him, so she could appease Ashley, Hanna had started to think that maybe she was really on to something with her fib. She wasn't necessarily a traditional kind of girl, but she had to admit that having a ready made husband would be better in reality than just in her lie._

 _Jordan dabbed the corners of his mouth with his napkin before staring intently at Hanna. "I take it that this sudden need stems from your meeting with your mother?" He asked astutely._

 _Hanna shrugged noncommittally. The truth was she could not have picked a better fake husband for herself than the man sitting across from her. Jordan's feelings for Hanna clearly ran deeper than attraction because he respected her, took care of her emotionally and found her desirable even though she resembled a baby whale now. Their friendship was easy, Hanna could count on Jordan. She had come to rely on him more and more in the few months she had gotten to know him. And if he wanted any sort of relationship with her in the future then it would have to be all or nothing. Hanna knew it was probably a ridiculous plan, one that would definitely backfire in her now plump face when Jordan walked out on her but she was willing to lose, she knew how to deal with loss._

 _However, Jordan was still sitting in Hanna's tiny apartment, sipping his wine now as if they were discussing something as monotonous as their day at the office. "Say something." Hanna demanded when she could no longer take Jordan's silence._

 _The truth was that she wasn't scared of Jordan's possible answer. If he said no, then he would stop perusing her and that was one less complication to deal with because she was really not on the market for a casual fling with a baby on board. And if he said yes… then she would have an answer to all the loose ends she couldn't tie up with one lie. Jordan and their fake marriage would be the string that kept her life together._

" _If that is what it will take to convince you that I am very serious about you, then I'll marry you." Jordan said simply and for a second Hanna was so taken aback by his easy acceptance of her abrupt proposal that she could only stare at him – stunned._

" _I have conditions." Hanna's voice was monotone, she felt like her astonishment had morphed her into an android or something._

" _So do I." Jordan's usually laughing eyes turned serious._

As if feeling her gaze on him Jordan looked up, bringing Hanna back from her trip down memory lane. Jordan immediately put down his pen, shuffled some papers around and leaned back to watch her. He smiled even though he was clearly exhausted and more guilt swelled up inside of Hanna. He was such a good man. Jordan was so honest and trustworthy that he refused to see anything but the best in people. Even a couple of nights ago he had not been angry over Hanna and Caleb's clearly compromising position, but had thanked Caleb for being there for her.

Hanna's feet treaded through the soft carpet as she made her way to Jordan. He immediately opened his arms up to her and she settled into his lap, laying her head on his shoulder. They sat in companionable silence for a few moments, one of the things Hanna loved sharing with Jordan. He put his fingers in her hair and massaged her scalp.

"Lys is out like a light." Jordan said softly, love and adoration clear in his voice. "She's adjusting well and couldn't stop chattering on about the time she spent with her gran'ma."

Hanna smiled into Jordan's chest. Then she looked up and stared at Jordan's worn expression. Suddenly she didn't want to be here anymore. Back in Rosewood at the opulent Radley that strangely enough used to be a nut house. In her hometown where she was just a few miles away from Caleb who was, awkwardly enough, living in Spencer's barn. "Let's just pack our bags after the wedding this Saturday and go away."

Jordan smiled indulgently at Hanna. "Where do you want to go to?"

"I don't know. The Bahamas, Lys loves the beach, or let's just go home to Papi and Nana and live in their gorgeous villa." Hanna referred lovingly to Jordan's parents who had become like her own family in the last few years.

"You hate the outback" Jordan gave her a lopsided smile.

Hanna rolled her blue eyes at her husband. "I do not hate it. The humidity just doesn't agree to my skin and hair." The blonde corrected haughtily.

Jordan's chest rumbled with a chuckle and Hanna continued, more seriously this time. "Don't worry about work, babe. That's why you have minions. Your doctor has said these headaches are caused by stress and Rosewood is stress incarnate. I would know, I grew up here and it's still the same bullshit."

At this Jordan's expression became thoughtful. "Hanna, love, I have to oversee this project whether I want to or not. These headaches will go away. But what bullshit are you talking about? I thought you were starting to enjoy being back home, has something changed?" Jordan's voice was full of concern and Hanna felt like a child who had just eaten the entire jar of cookies before dinner.

Hanna licked her lips, sucking in the bottom one with her teeth, a habit of hers when she was giving herself time to think. She decided on confessing another truth instead. "I just don't like seeing you like this."

Jordan kissed her softly and stood up, carrying her effortlessly with him. Hanna rested her head on his shoulder and wound her hands tightly around his neck. "It'll all be fine." He promised and Hanna believed him because he had never before given her a reason not to.

 **xxx**

Caleb sat at his "favourite table", as Mrs Marin had pronounced it, but could not find any comfort from it today. He was shaking his legs in agitation underneath the hunk of wood and he moved back stray strands of dark hair from his face.

The movement immediately conjured up images of the way Hanna had curled her fingers through the locks at the nape of his neck. The way she had touched him had made his insides curl with desire and he had wanted so desperately to kiss her, to taste her one more time. Having been denied that want, he still felt so tense and tightly wound up.

Caleb sighed. No matter how hard he tried to erase those adulteress memories from his mind, they felt like they were seared into his brain by a soldering iron. He had been thankful that Spencer had been fast asleep when he had went back to the barn that morning.

Days later Caleb was still not sure he had given himself enough time to expunge the guilt from his system. He had wanted to talk to Hanna privately, maybe have her reassure him that what he had felt was simply a slip into his old life and nothing more, but more than his need to convince himself that he should not be castrated for feeling the way he did, was the unbearable fear that it wasn't just nothing. What if he saw Hanna and still felt that burning need to kiss her till she cried out his name. Then what would he do?

"Caleb." The Hanna in his fantasy said and Caleb's eyes glazed over. She sounded just the way she always did and yet so different as well. It felt right and familiar but new and exciting too. "Caleb?" This time her voice sounded manlier. Manlier?

Caleb immediately stood up from his seat in alarm as he realised a figure was hovering over him. "Jordan." Caleb cleared his throat hoping his voice did not sound scratchy, or worse, leering.

Caleb shook the strong hand Jordan offered him but noticed that the handshake, just like the other night, was firm but not overpowering. They sat down at the same time and Caleb couldn't help but eye Jordan suspiciously. Was Hanna's husband here to tell Caleb to stay away from her? Had Hanna, overcome by guilt, confessed to Jordan about what had almost happened between them outside the Brew?

"Thanks for meeting me." Jordan said politely and Caleb knew right away that Jordan was not about to lecture him. The other man opened up a green folder that looked very professional though, but judging from Jordan's tone, it definitely could not be a restraining order.

"No problem." Caleb couldn't help the guarded tone of his voice.

Jordan heard it too because Hanna's husband gave Caleb a perceptive smile. "What is it about me that makes you so weary?" Jordan asked straightforwardly.

Caleb decided that such a direct question could only be answered one way. "Honestly, even though I can see why Hanna married you, you're not what I imagined." Caleb wondered if he should elaborate. What he had just said probably did not make a lick of sense to Jordan.

Hanna was always completely one way or the other. There was never an in between with her. She either liked them like Sean Ackard, golden boy, all his ducks in a row, conventional family or she was attracted to the likes of someone like Caleb Rivers. Caleb lived by his own rules, wasn't afraid to break the ones made by the greater populous and had an air of mystery and a bad boy demeanour surrounding him. Even though Jordan was far from being like the latter, he was not presumptuous or prissy like Hanna's ex boyfriend Sean either. There was clearly so much more substance to Jordan that Caleb was beginning to form respect for Hanna's husband.

"Shall I take that as a compliment, then?" Jordan said light heartedly and Caleb couldn't help but relax. He smirked and nodded his dark head and Jordan copied the motion, as if to say now that that's out of the way. Suddenly it felt like a large elephant had vacated the room.

"So why did you ask me here?" Caleb questioned without preamble, signalling a waiter over so that Jordan could order a drink. Caleb took a sip from his beer.

Again Jordan did not order an alcoholic drink and Caleb wondered weather he drank at all. Maybe instead of a virginity pledge Jordan had an abstinence policy for alcohol. Caleb would have to ask him about that later on.

"I would like to offer you a job." Jordan said seriously and Caleb stared at Hanna's husband in disbelief.

"Why?" Caleb blurted out, unsure if he had heard Jordan correctly the first time.

"Because I have a vacancy that needs filling and I think you'd be perfect for it." Jordan shrugged.

"Yes, but why _me_ specifically?" There were so many other whys that Caleb wondered if Jordan was insane for even considering him. They barely knew each other and while they clearly weren't on some predisposed path to disliking one another on principal, that did not mean they had to become friends either, right?

At this Jordan sat forward, looking Caleb straight in the eye. There was something very desperate in his hazel gaze but Caleb couldn't understand where such an emotion was stemming from. "I do my homework on people, Caleb, and honestly I'm also offering you this job because of personal reasons. Not just from a business point of view. Fortunately for me though, you fit both categories strikingly well."

"Personal?" Caleb queried. He was aware that Jordan was opening up a new branch of the billion dollar company Barnes Investment Group in Rosewood but why would Jordan consider Caleb as a potential employee, personal or otherwise. Surely Jordan had vast resources to head hunt only the best.

Jordan stared at Caleb searchingly for a moment. "Maybe if I explain the personal side you would better understand why." Jordan began as he leaned in closer and this made Caleb put his own elbows on their table as well.

"This group is going to be my own baby. Meaning while it still falls under the safety net of the Barnes Investment Group, BIG for short, umbrella I will be the major shareholder because it was my capital used to start the group."

Caleb still did not understand what this had to do with him but Jordan continued speaking before he could voice his doubts. "Look, instead of simply leaving Hanna and Lys a large inheritance after I die, I want to leave them with something more. I know Hanna, she'd take the money and assets I've left her, give me a proper burial, pay off the mortgage on the house and put the rest away for Lys' school and college fund."

"Sounds reasonable." Caleb shrugged, not seeing the problem with this plan. He could understand why Hanna would want to ensure Lys had enough money for academic resources since she had been denied funds by her father for tuition. It had been Caleb who had supported Hanna's first year of education at college.

"Yes." Jordan agreed. "Hanna has a huge heart and is selfless when it comes to Lys, but I don't want her to be." Jordan's eyes got a far away look in them. "Even though she's successful in her own right and can live more than comfortably on her own, she shouldn't have to forgo anything because she has other responsibilities which take precedence to her. I want her to never have to worry about missing a second income. She should still be able to travel whenever she and Lys want to, she should spend money on herself too, spoil herself, eat at all her favourite restaurants …" Caleb swallowed as he saw Jordan's eyes lock with his more seriously now. "I want her to fall in love all over again, she should not have to be alone. Lys needs a father too."

Caleb felt emotion clog his throat. The air around them turned grave, morose and Caleb could not bear it. "I know it's good to be prepared, but why are you planning for your death as if it's going to happen tomorrow?"

Suddenly something clicked in Caleb's mind. It was like finally remembering a word that had evaded him the entire day. He looked at Jordan, who was sitting as still as a tree bark, staring at him unblinkingly. Caleb could clearly see for the first time since he had met the other man. He noticed the dark circles around Jordan's eyes, the slightly hollow cheeks, a few silver strands streaking pale brown hair, but it was Jordan's eyes that ripped through Caleb's sense of reality leaving him feeling way out of his depth. This could not be happening. The situation only became sharper in clarity when Jordan did not deny Caleb's conclusion which he was sure was written all over his pale face.

"I didn't mean to alarm you." Jordan said a little regretfully but there was so much pain in his eyes that Caleb could not feel anything besides sympathy for the other man. Then he thought about Hanna. She was too young to be a widow with her shimmering blue eyes dulled by pain and loss.

"Does Hanna know?" Caleb's mind ventured straight to Hanna's well being, maybe it was a reflex reaction from all the times he had made that his priority.

"Can I trust you?" It was a question but it also felt like Jordan was not giving Caleb a choice in the matter.

A million thoughts and questions, fears and doubts whirred and buzzed through Caleb's mind. He felt just about ready to explode and he reached shakily for his bottle of beer, gulping fiercely until the glass was tipped over and he had drained every last drop. Only when he set the quivering bottle down did he nod his head, albeit uncertainly.

"Are you asking me to do this because I'm Hanna's ex?" Caleb couldn't help but question.

Jordan shrugged noncommittally. "You're not just Hanna's ex Caleb and after meeting you and seeing the two of you together, I know without a doubt that neither of you will let anything bad happen to the other. Hanna's told me about your past, you were more than just some high school boyfriend." Jordan declared confidently.

Caleb signalled their waiter for a refill and was relieved when the efficient man brought over another bottle almost instantly. Caleb guzzled from that too. He felt as if his entire life had been based around a lie. The walls of his reality were crashing down and around him leaving him feeling raw and exposed.

"So all of this is some elaborate set up to ensure that Hanna and your daughter are financially well taken care of?" When Jordan nodded Caleb could not help but take his questioning further. "But why not trust someone else? You must have close relatives or lawyers for this sort of thing."

Maybe Caleb was trying to find all these loop holes in Jordan's plan because he did not want the responsibility Hanna's husband was offering him. This was not just a request to feed someone's pit bulls, forward their mail and water their plants while they were away holidaying overseas for a month. This was managing the lives of two individuals. It wasn't a duty you could shirk away from. Even if Caleb started his own life, maybe even with Spencer, he would always be connected to Hanna. He had worked so hard to heal after his break up with Hanna. It had taken him years, could he really be close to her again and feel nothing?

Then there was the fact that Hanna clearly did not know. If she found out that he had known all along that her husband was dying and did not tell her about it, she could possibly come quite close to hating him. Could he deal with that kind of rage she was sure to direct at him?

Caleb foresaw too many complications that he wasn't quite sure he wanted to deal with, but the most difficult question for him to answer was, could he turn his back on not just Hanna, but Jordan and Lys too? Hanna's husband was coming to him with vulnerability and trust, could Caleb just throw all of that back into the other man's face and walk away? He didn't think he had it in him.

 **xxx**

Caleb surreptitiously clicked on the minimize icon at the top of his screen when he felt Spencer's hand on his shoulder. He looked up at his girlfriend and smiled, even though he did not feel anywhere close to happiness in his current state of turmoil. Fortunately she did not seem to notice but took it as an invitation to wrap her slender arms around his neck and snuggle her face against his.

Caleb idly caressed her arms and leaned into her as he tried to find peace in her citrus-y perfume but the scent was starting to make his headache worse. He had spent hours on the internet, researching cancer and brain tumours, while Spencer had been wedding gift shopping with Hanna and Emily. The information he had loaded his brain with, combined with the medical jargon he had to define every so often and the glare from his screen had fried a few of his cells faster than alcohol normally did.

"What are you doing?" Caleb could feel Spencer's curious eyes on his laptop and he thought how best to answer her question without outright lying to her.

Caleb had wanted to know more about the cancerous brain tumour inflicting Jordan than the crumbs Hanna's husband had fed him. Caleb was aware that the tumour was rapidly growing and could not be removed surgically due to its location. However, for whatever medical reasons the doctors had spurted, the chemotherapy was doing more harm to Jordan's body than to the tumour.

Caleb could not imagine what Jordan was going through right now. What did it feel like to know that you only had a certain amount of time left to live and there was absolutely nothing you could do to change it, even with advanced technology and more money than Scrooge McDuck on your side? Yet Caleb's new found respect for Jordan increased tenfold over his selfless actions and planning, without a second thought to his own needs and wants. Surely the man desired to do more with his last few days on Earth than be in a small town for a wedding with people you hardly knew.

Caleb remembered the way Jordan had talked about Hanna and Lys, with pure love and adoration. What was killing Jordan faster, the fact that his treatment was not working or that he had everything a man could ever want but would never be able to enjoy them. Death would rob Jordan of living. Caleb felt angry with the world because Jordan was being cheated. He was too young to die.

What really flabbergasted Caleb though, was that instead of Jordan using the little time left to enjoy everything he had clearly worked so hard for, he was trying to make one hundred and ten percent certain that his family would be taken care of after he was gone. It sounded like an insane, low budget movie plot and Caleb still could not believe that he was playing a supporting role in the craziness, but he was in Rosewood and like Ravenswood, he had long since come to realise that this town was far from normal.

He should have stayed far way from here but faith had steered him back. He wondered if it was because he was destined to be with Spencer. Even though he had met her out of Rosewood as well, they had only become a couple after they had both landed back in Rosewood. Caleb knew that after Hanna, Spencer was the best thing that had happened to him.

"Caleb?" Spencer looked at Caleb uncertainly and he had not realised that he had become so engrossed in his personal thoughts, lost in his own mind, that he had not yet answered his girlfriend.

"I was just browsing over some job vacancies." Technically it was not a lie but he could not give away anything else since Jordan's secret was not his to tell.

Spencer pulled away, coming to sit next to Caleb. "Any promising prospects?"

Caleb shrugged. "There may be this one offer that I could look into."

After he and Spencer had connected in Rosewood during her mother's campaign, she had gone back to Washington and Caleb had stayed on in Rosewood. They had still made regular commutes though because it was easy for Spencer to come home on the weekends or Caleb to surprise her during the week as his hours were flexible. They had spoken about him moving back to Washington permanently and he had told her he would look into it after Aria and Ezra's wedding. Now that he planned on moving only as far as Philadelphia, how would Spencer take the news?

Maintaining a long distance relationship was never easy but they had been able to see each other every week during the last six months. Also with new relationship energy they had never really argued about anything, always being too excited to see each other and learn more about one another that they just tried to make the most of the time they spent together.

Their relationship was still new and intriguing. Caleb knew that dating was hard work and effort, it was a job that you had to wok at everyday, you couldn't just take a day off every so often or you would eventually fall so behind that you couldn't cope anymore. It was what had happened to him and Hanna when they were living together.

"Well this could be a good thing, right?" Spencer's coffee eyes filled with excitement. "We could finally both be in DC and it'll be like old times, but better now that we're together." She gave him a happy grin and Caleb inwardly flinched.

"That would be ideal." He smiled and immediately kissed her because he didn't know what else to say to her without lying to her trusting face.

He did not want to lie but what other option was there? The truth was not his to share and he had never been the type of person who betrayed confidences either. This was also a huge decision to make and he did not want it to be influenced by anyone, even Spencer, because she may not understand his choice. Caleb broke away hastily from their kiss and he saw the disappointed look Spencer gave him but he was helpless to do or say anything to reassure her. His mind felt like a minefield. Every action or thought led him back to the impossible situation lying ahead of him and even when he tried to talk himself out of it, it kept sounding like he could not walk away from it.

"I'll just finish up here and meet you in there." He gently brushed her off.

Since the bachelor party Caleb had been avoiding Spencer. He left her to her own devices during the day and actually made himself scarce around the barn, returning late at night so that more often than not Spencer was already asleep. At first he had felt guilty and ashamed over wanting to kiss Hanna outside the Brew and now it was Jordan's proposition that hung over his head like an axe ready to decapitate his neatly ordered life.

Yet even thinking that self pitying way made him seem petty because there was Jordan who was on the brink of death and Hanna at the edge of sorrow that could possibly drive her to insanity.


End file.
